Bucky x Suicidal!Reader

• 9 •

⚠️TW!!⚠️
S3LF H@RM
Y/n

Steadying my breath, I feel his arm snake around me. I shudder, is this affection? I think to myself. Sobbing more than I intend to, shaking a bit more. His arm give me one last squeeze before he let go and walked out of the room.

Hearing his footsteps fade away. "Y/n?" I hear through the ringing. "Do you need help out?" I nod slowly. Hearing footsteps approach me and slowly help me get up. Ringing ears and still in shock,

"Let me take her." I hear a familiar voice, what was his name again? Stan? Steve maybe. I feel a strong pair of hands help me, it wasn't Barnes.

As I reclaim vision, he's guiding me to the elevator to my floor. Look at the arms it was Steve, feeling more sense of security. He sits me down at the island. "You okay?" He asks while fetching two glasses of water, handing me one I shake my head. He frowns a bit, "do you wanna talk about it?" I take a sip of the water, the metallic tap taste. I shake my head no again. "Where's Bucky?"

He sits down next to me. "Barnes is at Tony's lab." I respond straightforwardly.

Seeing confusion in his eyes. "Why would he be there?" He looked at me.

I take a deep breath. "I accidentally crushed his arm during a panic attack." Feeling no need to lie, the events playing back into my mind.

He nods. "I'm sure he doesn't mind, wonder what he told Tony." I nod to his words. "Hey kid." He glances at me. "Don't beat yourself up over it, it was an accident." He takes a deep breath as he finishes half of his glass. "He's a good guy without the winter solider, I hope you can see that."

"Steve, he murdered the last family I have." I say softly. "I'm forced with the burden of carrying the family name and blood that is impure even so." I look at him, tears starting to prick at my eyes.

I could tell his heart felt a bit heavy, he had this sort of look on his face. "He beats himself up too Y/n."

I shake my head. "For being a murderer?"

He sighs. "Last night when you fell asleep, he patched his arm back up." I look at him as he continues on. "He went the whole day after his nightmare, with you. He didn't bother to patch up til I told him to." Steve looks me in the eyes. "Y/n, he doesn't like who he is either but he tended to your knuckles first."

I feel my chest tighten up. Did he really try hurting himself? Why do I care? Why's my chest tightening? All I could do is nod.

"You didn't hear that from me, get some rest kiddo. Bring the water with you." He says, sending me to my room.

I sit on my bed looking at my dresser. Maybe I can smooth his hurting by disappearing. When I open my eyes I'm holding a knife with drawer opened, my arm already cut. Continuing, but not deep enough. The blood dripping onto my lap, shit I need to get new pants now. I think, but not stopping at that til I hear a knock.

"One second!" I yell out, quickly putting my knife away and closing the drawer. I throw on a hoodie and open the door.

The blue eyes strike me like ice. "You okay?" He says almost convincingly like he cared.

I nod. "I'm fine, what do you want Barnes."

He looks past me to my bed. "You're not fine." I look to where he's looking at my bed, seeing blood. Shit. "Show me your arms." He demanded, already stepping into my room.

"I don't know what you're thinking but you probably have it wrong." I quickly say

He moves past opening the drawer, pulling out the knife I just used. Blood staining it, fresh blood. "Show me your arms, now."

My chest starts tightening as he towers over me. "No."

"Fine, I'll look for myself." He grabs my arm , I try to struggle against his grasp but he's stronger. He forces my sleeve up, despite having one arm. Loosing his grip as he sees my arm. "Oh doll." His gaze seemed to soften.

"Happy now? Asshole." I spit at him.

He brings my arm up to his face, it starting to scab, and he kisses it. "Don't do this to yourself please." He gives me a hug with his one arm.

I stand there confused while his arm is around me. My chest rising from frustration and confusion all at the same time. "Get off me Barnes." I manage to choke out.

He gave me a slight squeeze and lets go of me. "I came here to check on you and to tell you that Steve wants to see you." I nod. "Don't show Steve what you did please." I look into his eyes, they were full of concern and emotion unlike the dead dull blue grey eyes I saw that day.

I nod with understanding. "I need privacy please." He nods and waves bye as he walks out.

I change into new pants, throwing the bloody ones in the bin. I put a pillow on the blood stain for now. I then wrap my arms and throw the hoodie back on. I start to head to the common area, seeing Steve there.

"Hi Y/n." He said not looking up, he had a book in his hands.

"You wanted me?"

"Yes, I want you to watch a movie with us later." He finally looks up. "Me, Bucky, tony, nat, Sam, and Wanda."

"What about Bruce?" I question.

"He has duty to tend to, unfortunately." He smiles at my concern.

I sigh. "I don't have a choice do I?"

He shakes his head. "Also, I have food waiting for you on the island, help yourself."

Nodding I go into the kitchen, finding nat inside. "Hi girl, how are you?"

I shake my head. "I'm fine nat"

"No you aren't, what's wrong?" Her tone becoming more serious.

I sit down at the island, grabbing the plate of food. "Barnes hugged me twice today, and I crushed his arm."

Her eyes widened as she sat down with her plate. "The vibranium one?" I nod taking a bite. "And he hugged you? Why and how?"

Telling her the story about the therapy meeting, leaving out the suicide and all the emotional stuff. How I had a panic attack and to ground me I crushed his arm. He hugged me after that twice so far.