Bucky x Suicidal!Reader

• 6 •

My eyes shoot open while screaming. Waking up by a force shaking me gently, saying my name in a tired husky voice."Y/n." It said. "Y/n wake up its a dream."

Making out the face as i stop screaming, it was Barnes. As i hyperventilate and look around i say, "Where's Steve?"

He sighed looking out the window. "He's on a mission with the other, they wont be back for a day or two."

I try to get up but couldn't. I look down and he's holding me? "Can i get up Barnes?" I say almost annoyed.

He nods and lets go. Still sitting there he watches as i get up and go to my mini fridge. "You want a drink?" I ask.

He thinks for a moment. "Well, what do you have?"

I sigh. "Red bull, monster, coke, vodka, and sprite." Glancing at him.

"Whats 'monster'?"

Turning to him in disbelief. "You've ever had one!? Barnes why didn't you tell me!?" Pulling out two ultra zeros.

He chuckles a little as i throw him a can. "You're strange Y/n." He cracks the can open. Looking up noticing that I'm staring. "Like the view."

"You wish, I'm just waiting for your reaction." I say leaning against the mini fridge.

He looks down at the can and takes a drink. "Goddamn what is that?"

Smiling a little, I reply with "energy."

Taking another drink. "I made pancakes if you want some." He looks at me with a glimmer in his eye.

Look at the time i see 11 am on it. "I didn't wake you up?" He shakes his head at the question. I sigh with relief. "So pancakes?"

He smiles as he gets up and walks out the door, making sure i follow behind him. Walking to the kitchen shoulder to shoulder. Seeing a freshish stack of pancakes.

We sit down across from each other. As we start eating my mind goes to my thoughts. What happened? Why am I still here? Why's he being so nice? Why didn't it work? Barnes looks at me with concern.

I sigh a bit heavily. "Barnes." He nods. "Do you know what happened after Steve met with me?" I look back up at him again.

He sighed heavily. "You um, sorta seized out kinda. And we rushed you to Bruces 'lab'. He pumped your stomach."

Setting down my fork. "I didn't give you a note to meet me." Looking at him.

"I know." He said almost regrettingly.

Getting up he grabs my arm picking a scab my accident. "Goddamnit Barnes let go." I say in a pained voice.

"Let me explain please." His eyes are softened but is obvious to what he just did.

Grabbing his thumb and twisting it backwards to loosing his grip. "Fuck." Bringing my arm up to see it. Blood dripping from the freshly picked scab.

"Oh fuck y/n, I'm so sorry." He rushes over. "I'm so so sorry." He repeats. Walking to a medkit on the wall, ignoring him. "Y/n let me help." I grab the medkit and open it on the table. "Y/n I'm sorry." I still ignore him putting antibiotics on it. He grabs the bandages. Looking at him. "Its deep, let me help."

I scoff. "Do you realize how many times I've done this?" Grabbing the bandages out of his hand.

"Why? Why do you do it if it hurts then?" He probes.

Wrapping my arm. "Thats the point Barnes."

"It could kill you!" He slams his hand down.

"Thats the fucking point Barnes!" I scream at him with tears pooling in my eyes.

He looks taken aback as i start to walk to the training room. Hearing his footstep behind me, making my blood boil. "Y/n.." I feel him grab my arm, but gently this time. "Come here, rest. Talk to me please."

"Let go of me Barnes." My voice quivers, flashbacks throwing in my mind. "Let me go Barnes."

"Talk to me." He insisted.

Starting to shake from overwhelming emotions. "Why should I talk to you of all people?" Tears spilling without even meaning to as I say that. "You made the last thing i had go to shit."

Feeling him wrap his arms around me from behind. "Its okay to cry infront of people." He says softly. "It's okay to talk to others about past things. It's okay to admit."

"Can i just go into the training room? I can't deal with this." Shoving my way out of his arms, making my way to the elevator.

"Im coming with Y/n." He says, hearing his footsteps follow behind me.

Seeing as I can't stop him, going down to the training room tears still falling without me letting them. When we arrive to the floor I rush out of the elevator to the punching bags.

"Let your anger out." I glare at him with tear stained eyes as he says this. "Yell about it as you punch. It helps me at least."

Punching the bag. "You killed my brother and his kids!" Punching it harder. "You made my life shit to the point where I ran away!" Punching it even harder. "You didn't look for me after Hydra captured me!" Punching it again. "You fucking let him get to me! You let him hurt me!" Tears start forming again. Not knowing whether its from the pain in my heart or pain in my hand.

Throwing another punch. "You're not a bitch!" Another punch. "You're not a brat!" Another punch. "You're not useless! You're not ungreatful!" A punch for each sentence. Knuckles cracking at the last punch. I look at Barnes, shit shit he's here how did i forget.

He walks over to me and hugs me, rubbing my back. "Barnes." I say in a low voice. He squeezes me a bit. "Barnes." I say louder startling him a bit. I feel and hear him hum in a 'what' way. "My knuckles."

He lets go. "Shit, sorry." He laughs dryly.