Bucky x Suicidal!Reader

• 8 •

Y/N

Sun creeping from my curtains, slowing opening my eyes I yawn. Stretching i look around, "oh shit." I quickly get my pen and notebook up as i see the time. 8:00 AM it reads. Quickly hopping in the shower, worried that I'd be late for my session. Getting dressed I look at the time again, 8:23 AM.

Rushing out of my room and hurrying at the elevator to the therapy floor, notebook in hand. Rushing into the room not bothering to look around. I take my spot. "Shit sorry I didn't mean to sleep in as much as I did."

"Its okay Y/n." She smiles at me. "We have James with us today." Knitting my eyebrows and looking to my side where she was pointing.

I shake my head. "He can't be in here. Not Barnes." Looking back at her.

"Y/n, give it a try." She looks at me with a pleading look. "What'd you write?" She motions for me to open my notebook.

Hesitatantly i open it. Looking at the first words. "I had another nightmare today." Taking a shaky breath looking at Barnes then back at my notebook. "It was of my dad, the night I ran away. The last straw that was broken. It felt like it was yesterday, his words 'you ungreatful brat', 'you bitch'. I stil smell the alcohol under his breath wherever i go." Tears starting to fall, wetting the notbook a little.

"You can stop of you want to Y/n." She speaks as ringing starts in my ears.

"I could still feel the stings of his hits." I grab an arm to the right of me, the familiar metalic feel of it. "I told Steve it was just Hydra. Seeing Barnes in the room made me feel weak, pointless, and vulnerable. You can read the rest doc." Taking a deep breath, I look at his arm. Fuck. Looking at the bent metal, look back upto his face.

"Holy shit." He mutters. "Its vibranium how did you bend it!?"

"James, can you go to Mr. Stark after this session? I'll cut it short after you talk about your notebook."

Bucky

Still astonished that she managed to bend my arm, rendering it useless. "James, can you go to Mr. Stark after this session? I'll cut it short after you talk about your notebook." She looks at me.

I look at Y/n, her shying my gaze away by turning her head. I open up my notebook. "My very first nightmare coming back from Hyrda, still felt like i was there. I felt a gentle shake as I woke up to Y/n shaking me. Her groggy face. 'You look like shit.' I told her. She didn't think it was funny." Looking at y/n, she's still looking away. "When she had a nightmare she woke me up, Steve told me to leave as she looked uncomfortable at me. I can't shake the image of her wrists out of my head."

She shifted a little, almost like she got tense and uncomfortable. "Do you want to continue?" The therapist snaps my attention back to her.

I nod. "The party is today, Steve convinced me to go but told me to stay away from Y/n. Watching her from the other side of the room, i saw her downing drinks like it was nothing. After a while she gave Steve a note. When Steve got up i followed after, but on the stair case. Knowing which floor. Peeking through Y/n's door, i could tell something was off about her." I take a shaky breath. "She told Steve 'tell Barnes i forgive him.' When i heard that a burden was lifted from my chest. Then after a few minutes, he was yelling her name. We rushed her to the infirmary, i think I'd done something good to her for once. I then learned that she did it on purpose, we saw the self harm scars. It clicked in my head. Can i stop here doc?" Looking at the obvious shaking y/n who already bent the chairs armrest.

She nods, "you can leave now Barnes." She scribbled in her notebook. The damn notebook. I thought as i nodded to y/n. She shook her head.

As i get up and walk past y/n, i hug her and rub her shoulder. I then walk out the door, looking at my shoulder its wet with her tears. Walking down the hallway i sigh with sadness, why'd she push herself to speak about her past? As i hop into the elevator i look at my useless arm, how'd she bend it with her human hand? I go to the floor Tony's shop is at.

"Hey Buck!" He looks up then looks at my arm. "What the hell happened?"

"An accident, can you fix it?" I turn to him. He nods and mutters about how did I manage to wreck a vibranium arm.

While he detaches it to work on it, i sit next to him. "So, y/n."

"Mhm?" He nods focusing on the arm.

"Do you know her past? Like what was her family like and everything before HYDRA." Asking kinda straightforward i look at him.

He shakes his head. "She mainly sticks to Steve, they met in the 40s thats all I know." He sighs picking up a tool. "Thought you knew her since you know, Steve."

Shaking my head. "Steve told me she joined after i.." i cut myself off.

He looks up. "Its gonna take a while, feel free to stay if you wish bud."

I shake my head. "I'll hang for awhile."