How Do We Live?

Chapter 27: Ocytoxin and Endorphins

"Are you sure you sure you'll be fine?" Mahina kong tanong sa kanya habang pinapasadahan siya ng tingin. It took us an hour to compose ourselves. Kung hindi pa yata tumawag ang katrabaho ni Rahim ay hindi pa kami aalis rito.

His twilight blue eyes met mine in a blissful moment pero agad niya iyong iniiwas bago ayusin ang salamin at kamutin ang tungki ng ilong at suklayin ang buhok. Masyado talaga siyang halata kapag nahihiya siya dahil sa mannerism niyang 'yan.

"I still need to meet Ysaac for one of out case." Marahan naman akong tumango dahil sa sagot niya. I want to convinced him to take a reswt first but he seems so determine to go. He was filled with a lot of emotions and hormones awhile ago, I doubt if he can still manage to work after. But he's Rahim, there is nothing that he can pulls off.

"Let's go, I'll accompany you to your car." He said while grabing his leather sling bag. I smile a little before gripping on my hand bag tightly at sumunod sa kanya palabas ng conference room.

We silently walk side by side patungong parking lot. Tahimik at hindi nagsasalita. It was an awkward silent, indeed. Hindi na rin naman ako magtataka dahil sa emotional breakdown naming dalawa kanina. I know for a fact that we are both sensitive from what happened and I guess we should give ourselves time to let it all in and sink.

For now, the silence will do.

Nang marating namin ang pwesto kung saan naka-park ang kotse ko ay tsaka lamang ako nagkaroon ng courage na magsalita.

"Thank you... Rahim." I said in a low voice, may bahid ng hiya at 'di kasiguraduhan sa boses ko. I heard him sigh a little before responding to me.

"You sould be careful on driving. No texting." Mapaniguro niyang saad at ibinulsa ang isang kamay. Maliit naman akong napangiti at pabirong napairap sa sinabi niya.

"You should get going. Your colleague is probably waiting." I reminded him at hindi naman niya napigilan ang ikot ng mata dahil doon.

"I should really smack Ysaac sometimes. Him and his fucking timing." Tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay ng marinig ko ang isang mura sa kanya. Nang makita niya ang reaksyon ko ay agad siyang napakagat sa pang-ibabang labi. Napailing naman ako ng makitang mabahiran ng guilt ang ekspresyon niya.

Pinatunog ko na ang kotse ko at binuksan ang pinto ng driver's seat.

"Be sure to text me when you're home." He whispers in the cold wind. Napatitig naman ako ng sabihin niya iyon sa akin. He immidiately divert his gaze ng matama ang mata namin. I bit the insides of my cheeks to surpress the undying feelings inside my stomach as if my whole internal organs are shuffling.

"I will. Mag-ingat ka sa byahe." Saad ko bago pumasok sa loob ng kotse.

"Yeah. Good night, Monique." He said one last time while looking at me with those tantalizing twilight eyes.

"Good night, Rahim." Mahina kong saad habang naktitig sa mga mata niya. He was the one who shut the door of my car. After that, he step back a little but stayed there. As if waiting for me to drive my way out.

Kahit pa pakiramdam ko ay may nararambulan sa dibdib ko ay pinaandar ko na ang sasakyan ko. His reflection stood on the side mirror of my car. He's just there looking at my car as I lost him when I exited the parking lot.

Buong byahe pauwi ay punong-puno ng hindi maipaliwanag na mga ideya ang utak ko. To start of, the big revelation on what happened 10 years agon and the reason to why he flew away.

Hindi ko maisip kung paano kinaya ni Rahim ang lahat ng nangyari. After the accident, he was probably lonely on the tranfer from the Philippines to the States because he got no one beside him, consciour or not. I know I was in pain back then too, especially after knowing that Vico died. But I will not invalidate Rahim's pain over what happened just because I have it worse.