Half a World Away // Vinnie Hacker

*23*

It took me three and a half hours to walk home but I was feeling better, not a lot better but better. Unfortunately, the whole walking to clear my head aspect didn't go too well because I could smell Vinnie's cologne on his shirt the whole walk home. I got to the lobby of my apartment and trudged up the stairs slowly. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and saw about a hundred notifications from Vinnie. I pushed my phone back in my pocket and looked up as I walked down the hall, seeing Vinnie sitting at my door. I was considering turning around before he saw me but I really just wanted to lie down in bed. I walked towards my door and Vinnie saw me, standing up. "I'm so glad you're home, I really need to talk to you," Vinnie said as I unlocked the door. I opened it and walked in, closing it before Vinnie could come in.

I probably should have let him in a let him explain but what is there to explain, he kissed a girl I saw and I got upset, now we're here. That all there is to it. I could hear Vinnie calling through the door but I didn't want to talk to him. He can kiss who he wants, he doesn't need to explain it to me.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened Spotify, connecting it to the speaker in my room and playing my sad playlist. I was ready to have a good, long cry. I lied down on my bed, taking off my shoes first and just listened to the music, taking in the lyrics. My phone buzzed next to me so I opened it to see another text from Vinnie. All the texts said the same thing in different ways 'I need to talk to you but I don't want to do it over the phone, where are you?'. This new text said something different; 'I can hear the music you're listening to, we need to talk, please let me in'. I turned the music up louder and tears started to spill out of my eyes. another text came through 'I'm not leaving until you talk to me'. He'd have to be stupid to wait that long. I'm not letting him in until I'm ready which could be hours or even days, I don't know.

Vinnies song, Emotional Highs, came on and the tears started pouring out. It was bad enough that the song was sad but the fact that he's the one singing it just made it that much worse. It reminded me of the day he showed me the song and the chorus really related to right now, i don't love Vinnie but I do like him, a lot.

I wish I never fell in love

Things between us would be so much easier if I hadn't started liking him but he sort of made that impossible. He was so sweet and genuine from the moment we met and for the first time in my life I found it easy to talk to him about how I'm feeling. I've never been able to talk to anyone about how I'm truly feeling. Sure, I talk to jess about how I'm feeling but when I talk to Vinnie, I'm able to get more out and he seems to really understand me.

God won't you wake me up

I wish I could just disappear or wake up and all of this will just be a nightmare. When I wake up Vinnie wouldn't have kissed Tati and I wouldn't have so obviously given away that I like him. I do wish that I had covered my feelings for him up better and not acted so bothered by him kissing Tati but I couldn't help it.

Killing me softly, giving me nothing 

This whole thing was slowly eating me up. Vinnie was outside my door and I was in here crying over him. I really never thought id be the type of girl to cry over a boy but here I am, crying over a boy that was never mine. I felt so useless and pathetic crying over him.

Hours went by and I slowly calmed down. It was now nine o'clock and I was starving, I hadn't eaten since lunch. I got up, grabbed Vinnie's hoodie off the end of my bed and walked to the front door. I was going to walk to Maccas and get some food. Wearing Vinnie's hoodie and shirt made me feel like I still had a part of him even if I didn't have his heart. I didn't expect him to still be at the door because that would've meant he was sitting on the hard floor for four hours but sure enough when I opened the door, there he was. He looked up at me, his head coming up from his hands and then he jumped up. He looked down and saw I was wearing one of his purgatory hoodies and he smiled slightly. "Hey," he said. "Hey," I replied, my voice hoarse from crying. I started walking down the hall towards the stairs and Vinnie followed me. "I really need to talk to you," Vinnie said as he caught up to me. "I don't think there's anything to talk about," I huffed.

"You have no idea how wrong you are about that. There's so much we need to talk about, I need to explain everything, please let me explain," he begged. As much as I wanted to go around and be all grouchy and just pretend he doesn't exist, I knew that letting him explain would be better. I kept walking down to the lobby and Vinnie followed but I could tell he was less hopeful than he was before. "First I need food," I said turning to Vinnie as we got to the bottom of the stairs. he let out a deep breath and I could tell he was relieved. "Oh, thank god. I already ordered food too, and it's here now," He said. I turned to see the postmates guy at the door. Vinnie walked up and thanked the guy, and brought the food over to me. It's like he could read my mind.