Just breathe

Just breathe Chapter 20

Chapter 20 Jeremy Wesley's Point Of View

My body froze , my throat tightened as my heart fell.

Hearing the doctors news of losing my baby , it felt like I was not there , felt like I was watching someone else's problem ...not dealing with my reality. How does someone take in this information ? for starters , I shut down. I did not want to hear or feel anything , I just wanted to be alone.

The drive to drop of Sarah and Macey was extremely silent , not a word was said , not even the radio was on , just the sound of the engine.

The ride home was long , too long. I just wanted to escape from here , leave all my problem's behind , start fresh, but even I know that's not possible.

"So , how was it?" Janice asked when we came home, I looked at her and she read on my face that something was wrong , maybe it was the redness of my face or my swelled up eyes that gave it away , I looked at Jake , he gave a nod. I quickly escaped to my room and shut my door , blasted my music and let my mind drift away.

　

"What do you mean it's gone?!" Janice's escalated voice made me open my eye's.

"Sh, Jeremy has had a long day , I think he needs some sleep." Jake's soothing voice came down the hall. By shutting up , I took that Janice agrees.

It was almost midnight , and my stomach did a loud growl like a lion. I didn't want to get up , I wanted to go away , maybe over time all my problem's will go away ...

My hunger took over me, I slowly got out of my bed and made my way to the fridge. Janice was awake and sitting on the faded green couch , I knew she would be asking me a question anytime soon , so I waited until she did.

There was not that much in the fridge , I sighed.

"There is ice cream in the freezer." Janice's voice came from the living room. I opened the door and sure enough mint chocolate ice cream was there. A loud foot step made me look over my shoulder , Janice was right behind me , she gave a warm smile and said "Share".

I placed the half melted ice cream on the island and took out two spoons. Janice took of the cover and sat on my dad's hand made wooden stool , my biologic dad. Will I ever have the chance to be a dad? Or will they all die? My face tightened. I grasped on to my spoon hard. Janice put her hand on my fist.

" It's ok Jeremy , I am here for you , I always will be." She said in a light , soft voice. I shook my head.

"It will never be okay," I turned away from her." I just keep losing people.."

"Oh Jeremy.." Janice got out of her stool and came to hug me , but I turned away from her , again. "I know it not fair f-" Janice began.

"Its never fair for me! First my parents, now my child is gone ! I never got to see his or hers face , never got to hold it!"I hadn't realised I was yelling. Jake came out from his room in his boxers and old t-shirt.

"Is everything alright?" He asked as he came into the kitchen.

"No , no it's not." I said under my breath.

"Jeremy just breathe , ok " Jake instructed, I don't need to be told what to do. I gave a hard stern look, I threw the stupid spoon on the floor and brushed against Jake as I left.

Quiet filled this house for several hours, I couldn't sleep ... I just keep thinking of all the people I've lost in my life. My heart felt tight , I clenched my fist's and let cold tears travel down my face. I don't think I have ever felt so alone.

　

"Jeremy" I felt a nudge on my back , I grunted and rolled to my side. "Jeremy" Jake's stone hard voice rose.