IN LOVE WITH YOU [SLOW UPDATES]

24

~NAINA~

"Phi, take off your shirt!" I demanded.

"No, I won't. Forget it," he replied, pulling the blanket over his head.

We were back at Phi's apartment after they discharged him last night. And I stayed back at his place, just in case he needs anything. He woke up in the morning drenched in sweat after another nightmare.

"I'm going to get warm water and sponge. In the meantime, I want you undressed." I was hovering over his bed, charged up for the banter.

"In your dreams," he spoke from under the sheets.

"It's not like you won't get naked in front of any girl in the future, or maybe you got naked in the past, or maybe you still.. with your girlfriend." I scratched my head, unsure of why I said the last sentence. I could be so impulsive sometimes.

"I was never naked in front of any girl before.. and I don't plan to get naked in the future, like this." I struggled to believe that he was still a virgin. But I will focus on that later. It was a shame I couldn't see his flustered cheeks right now as he hid in his blanket.

"Don't be such a baby! Even the nurse must have seen you naked."

"But that's different.. "

"So just think of me as a nurse.. or just don't think about it. Why are we even talking about this?"

"Because I don't want to get naked in front of you!"

"And why is that so?" I was on the verge of pulling out my hair.

"No, that's not..if the situation was different.. I would do it.. but not like this when I'm so weak and half- dead."

I sighed at the last word. "Phi.."

He pulled the blanket off his face this time. "You know you can't force me to do it."

I looked away in desperation. He could really be a pain in the ass when he wants to be. "Fine..I'll get the bath tub ready," I said, raising my hands in the air in defeat.

The small bathroom was the same as I had seen it last time-when I was drunk out of my mind- yet it was different in a way. The bottles and jars of cosmetics had their English name written on the top with a black marker. And I knew he did this for me, so I didn't end up wasting his hair gel on my face. I picked up the tiny tub of hair gel and smiled, thinking of that night. I wish I could live those pleasant moments on loop throughout my life.

"Just don't lock the door." I yelled as he shut the bathroom door on my face.

"Just don't peep inside," he yelled back, almost mimicking me. All this big fuzz just because he didn't want me to give him a sponge bath. This jackass!

I opened the refrigerator door. A carton of milk- probably stale by now- some veggies and eggs were lined up inside in an orderly manner. I was busy washing the vegetables to make a soup when I heard a loud thud.

Fuck!

I dived to the bathroom, and without knocking, opened the door. There he was, lying unconscious in the bathtub with half-open eyes.

**

"Did you see me.. like this?" Phi whispered minutes after he opened his eyes. I was panting by now- moving his body from the bathroom to the bed, drying him up, putting his trousers on, rubbing his feet..

"Shussh.. not a word anymore. You have spoken enough," I reprimanded him like a schoolteacher. "I told you not to take a shower by yourself, but no! All you are worried about is that I saw you naked? Bastard! Thank god you didn't knock off your teeth falling on that hard floor."

I fetched a glass of water and mixed a sachet of rehydration powder in it, mumbling curses all the while.

"Sorry.. "He said as I handed him the glass. "I know it must be tough, taking care of me."

"Taking care of you is not tough," I said, adjusting the pillows behind him. "Tough is seeing you like this, unconscious. How should I tell you I feel so bad-so..so helpless, that I can't do anything to change this, to change the night all this happened? I wish I could do it.." I fell short of breath, speaking over two sentences in a fit of anger.

"You couldn't have changed it." He said, looking in my eyes.

"Couldn't you call the cops first, or anyone else? Why risk your life alone?"

I did not get any reply to this question.

The next hour passed slowly as I spoon fed the vegetable soup to Phi, not because he couldn't eat himself but because I wanted to do it. He fell asleep after taking his medicines.

I lay beside him on the bed, wanting to apologise all the while. The guy had risked his life for some random girl, but instead of praising him, I was complaining. I was acting like my mother. But why? Couldn't I shower him with praises like the rest of the world? I adored him, more than anyone in the world, acknowledged him for the immense courage he had, but I didn't want him to risk his life ever again. Not even for me.

Phi turned to my side, slightly wincing in pain. I put an extra pillow beneath his stomach to reduce the pressure on his stab wound. He held it with one hand, cuddling it. Gradually, his breathing slowed down in a rhythm. I looked at him carefully for a long time. Longer than I should look at him. Longer than a friend should. I stroked back the slightly damp hair away from his forehead. His glass skin- that I envied so much during the first few college days- was different now, courtesy of the medications and the wounds. Nevertheless, he still looked like an angel sleeping peacefully after a hectic day of saving people and bearing the nonsense of his friend.

Another hour passed looking at him and I realised that the pillow under my face was damp. I sat up, wiped the tears off my cheeks, and turned the pillow to the other side. Why and when I started crying, I couldn't deduce it myself.

As I lay sideways on the bed again, I felt my eyes moistening up. I was crying because I didn't want to lose him, because I didn't want him to feel any pain, and because I wanted to save him from the world. He was too good to be living on Earth. Maybe if a world full of angels existed, I could find him playing piano somewhere, probably the moonlight sonata he always talked about.

I extended my arm, hesitating for a while before touching the scars on his face. My fingers grazed his cheeks and lips and I was shocked at the change of emotions my heart felt. When I looked at Phi before, I felt anxious in a good way, like a small bird trying to fly for the first time. I thought it was just because I was falling for his looks. But now, when I look at him, a feel a strange emotion building up. I want to fly across the world with him throughout my life. If I could, I certainly would.

I slid close towards him, so close that I could feel his warm breaths on my face. A magma of emotions erupted in my heart as my lips touched his feather like lips, making my temperature rise. The time had stopped for me, but not my tears. Afraid that I'd wake him up, I slid back and buried my face in the pillow. My nose watered, my throat choked and body trembled as tears damped the pillow again. I couldn't remember the last time I broke down like this.

All this because I didn't want to lose him.

All this because I loved him.