IN LOVE WITH YOU [SLOW UPDATES]

10

Pam's POV

* DISTURBING CONTENT AHEAD*

I tried to run away but he was so strong. He pushed me back and pinned me on the bed. I punched his face with my tiny fist but that only managed to make him laugh. I dug my nails in his arms that held my waist but this too didn't affect him.

"Mama!! Mama!!" I shrieked. She must be in the next room, can't she hear me?

"Mama!!! Help!!!"

If only I could make a run to her room, she will save me. He brought his face close to mine, his haunting eyes gleaming with pleasure. His mouth smelled, his long hair fell over my eyes. I just wanted to get away, get away from him. I lifted my hands and dug my nails over his eyes. In a second he caught hold of both my arms with one hand and slapped me hard with the other.

"Let me go to my mama!!" I wailed.

"She isn't gonna help you today," he whispered in my ear and pulled my hair till I howled even more.

I tried to squirm away from his grip but he slapped me again. He caught hold of my neck so tight that I was unable to breathe. He slid his hands under my skirt.

"Mama!! Please!! Mama!!" I screamed as loud as I could but she never came.

***

I woke up startled, drenched with sweat and gasping for air. My head was dizzy and I felt nauseous. Moonlight flooded my room from the gaps of the curtain. I ran towards the washroom and threw up the pizza I had for dinner.

I picked up my phone to call Dad after cleaning up. It must be around noon at home, I hope he's not busy.

"Yes, Pam! How are you doing?" He asked as if talking to one of his clients.

"Dad... I'm not okay. I want to come back," I tried hard to control my voice from breaking.

"We've already talked about this! Talk to your therapist if you don't feel well. I have to go to a meeting now, so I'll call you later," he said in a hurry and disconnected the call.

Frustrated, I threw my phone on the blanket. It is never a good time to call him, never was and never will be.

I opened the bedroom door and trotted towards the kitchen. Glancing back multiple times with the thought that someone was following me I hurried over the switchboards and turned on the lights. I've always been afraid of the dark, most of the time I keep the lights on throughout the night. Picking up a water bottle from the refrigerator, I went back to the room without turning the lights off.

The room was depressing and the neighbourhood was quiet as if something was missing. A few days back, I was searching for a roommate but could not find anyone suitable. So I was alone with this feeling that the walls are coming closer to eat me up. Sometimes at night, I felt that I'm the last person living on Earth.

Lying down on the bed, I stared at the ceiling for some time. A tear formed at the crease of my right eye and I wiped it off. The strange loneliness made my heart heavy. I picked up my phone and scrolled through my Instagram feed, trying to distract myself from sliding on the downward spiral of trauma. Some memes, some reels, some stories but nothing made me feel better.

I wanted someone to be with me right now, maybe if Phi could come over?

I had started liking him from the first few days but he had made it very clear this morning that we cannot be anything more than friends.

He stayed with me last night just to make me comfortable and I couldn't even thank him. I don't know when he slid out of the room leaving a "meet you at college :)" note on the bedside table.

When I saw him with Naina today lurking in the shadows of books in the library, I was furious. In the start, I thought it was her that lured him away from me, but later Phi confessed- in rather a rude manner- that they were dating.

I wanted to call him but I didn't know how he would react. Thinking it over and over again for around 30 minutes, I finally mustered up the courage to do it.

_________________________________________

"I think you should file a complaint against them," he said indicating the incident two days back.

Phi was acting strange. He was concerned when I told him that I'm having nightmares but he avoided any long eye contact, let alone a hug. He sat on the sofa while I was seated on the corner of my bed.

"I don't want to see their faces again," I said in a low voice.

"I know it's hard, I can understand but I promise I'll be there whenever you need me. Leaving those people won't be right," he exclaimed trying hard to convince me.

Just thinking about those faces, trying to remember them was making my heart sink. The cops will ask the happenings in detail, something which I didn't want to think about.

Getting no reply, Phi sat beside me and said, "What if they torment any other girl after you, what if this time there is no bartender to save her? Do you want her to endure the same pain?"

Tears started forming in my eyes again.
I felt my entire body get hot, my chest was thumping, palms turned greasy and my throat had a huge lump. I stared at the floor and dared not look at his eyes.

"I was quite alright this morning, I tried everything to divert my mind but why does this happen to me again and again," I spoke in a hoarse whisper so low that I could barely hear myself.

"What do you mean.. did something similar.." he trailed off.

I clenched my trembling hands and let out a shuddering breath. My chin quivered and my cheeks were wet from tears. Seeing my pathetic state, Phi wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I sobbed my head over his shoulder, my tears staining his shirt.

Tightening his arms around my shivering body he said, "I'm sorry... I didn't know. I.. I shouldn't have brought this up. Please please calm down."

It took me some time to regain my composure. I broke the hug and sniffed, wiping the tears from my face.

He picked up the bottle of water from the bedside table and handed it over to me. I gulped a mouthful.

"I think you should rest now," he said concerned, "we can talk about this later."

I let out a sigh. Telling him the truth another day would remind me of it again and torment me for another few days. Might I just get it over with?

"I was raped when I was five," I finally let it out.

Thank you for reading!!

Let me know in the comments, what do you think of Pam??