IN LOVE WITH YOU [SLOW UPDATES]

27

~NAINA~

"I'm thinking about buying something for Phi," I said, turning towards Lisa. We were out shopping for the first time after the first semester. I had to cut down on my expenses, or I'd be broke by the time I finished college.

"What about some handcuffs?" She winked at me.

I gaped at her. That dirty little mind of hers.

"Okay, maybe something else. Like a... condom?" She said and laughed.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Shut up, will you?"

"So..when are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" I murmured. I didn't meet her eyes.

She stopped walking. "About your feelings Naina..!"

I shrugged. "I don't know.. I'm not sure about..some things."

"About what? Is this about Pam?" She took my hand in hers and turned right. There was a fast food truck, painted in bright yellow with a sign 'Billy's yums' painted on it with blood red color.

"No... I get jealous sometimes, though. But it's about me. It's like I want things, but still don't want it at the same time." We checked the menu and gave our order. The man in the truck handed us our hotdogs pretty quickly. He worked mechanically, shouting names of the food items, handing over the orders, occasionally wiping his hands on the small towel hanging over his shoulder.

"Do what your heart says." She said.

"I don't know what my heart says.."

Lisa gave me a look, shaking her head in disbelief before she opened her mouth to grab the first bite. I blew air from my mouth on the hotdog before putting it in my mouth, lest it would burn the insides.

"Tell me then.. what exactly your heart wants?" She said, after gulping the last bite.

"Has it ever happened that you like someone a lot.. maybe you even love him, but then he hurts you and you slowly start despising him?"

"Yeah.. I guess it happens with everyone. Ending things on good terms is something next to impossible. At least one person will hold a grudge for some part of their life. The time span could vary though." She answered.

Most of the people portray their 'holier than thou' image, preaching stuff like forgiveness, big heart and all. I didn't have that level of maturity right now. Maybe ten or twenty years down the line, I could forgive someone who had hurt me. But at this moment I was relieved after listening to Lisa. I wasn't the only one holding grudges, there were more people like me.

After the snack, we entered a large music store at the corner of the street. A different fragrance hit my nostrils as we opened the glass door. I walked to one of the guitar stands and touched the neck of one of the acoustic guitar. A price tag was hanging over one of the tuning pegs. I turned the tag and almost had a mini heart attack.

"We still have time. We can turn around and quietly get out of here," Lisa whispered in my ear. "Everything looks so expensive."

As much as I wanted to buy something special for Phi, I didn't have the budget. Why were music instruments so expensive?

"Miss, can I help you with something?" A mid thirties man walked closer. He didn't look like a salesman, but more like a musician himself. His long hair was tied in a ponytail and he was dressed in black from top to bottom.

"We're just looking around. We'll call you if we need something," Lisa answered him curtly.

"Other than music, is there something else that Phi likes?" She asked me after we walked out of the store.

I shrugged. "Nothing beats music for him. I'll buy something later, when I have some money."

***

I strolled in a park near Lisa's house, alone. It was almost dusk. I could see the sun on one horizon and the moon up in the sky. The next day was the end of this year. I and my friends didn't have any party planned for 31st. We were bored going to clubs and getting wasted every time. So when Lisa suggested about the New Year fair, we were all ears. Fairs had always been a part of my life since childhood. I loved the Ferris Wheel the most. But as I grew up, all this grew distant. The anxiousness I felt on the top of the Ferris Wheel got replaced by exam anxieties.

I sat on the nearby bench. A few kids were hanging out, playing something in a group. A couple walked on the pathway right across from me. They walked close, holding their hands and smiling. The woman looked old, maybe in her 50s, but she had a kind of eccentric charm. Her silver black hair was tied in a messy bun and she wore a large overcoat. She smiled with her eyes, a cheerful smile. I wondered how cheerful she must have been in her young days. I couldn't see the man's face, but he was definitely younger than her. He had a strong built and good posture. Somehow, he looked familiar. The woman gave a peck on the man's lips, smiled and left the park. She turned around one last time and waved the man goodbye. The man waved her back, even when she had turned around and gone. He looked love struck. Only when he turned around with a big smile on his face- something which I witnessed for the first time- I recognised him, after a heartbeat or two.

Rudy!

I think he recognised me too, as the smile soon faded. There was this awkward moment where we just stared at each other, before he started walking towards me with slow steps. I stood up, as I didn't know what else to do.

"Looks like you caught my little secret," he said and gestured me to sit down on the bench. He sat beside me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I was just sitting here by myself.."

"It's okay. Just don't tell my mother right now. I don't think she would like the idea of me dating an older woman. And we are still not sure..for how long we will be together." He took out a pair of gloves from his pocket and snuggled his hands inside it. The temperature was dropping as the time flowed.

"You don't know for how long it's going to last...? Is it like casual?" I asked. I wasn't very keen on learning about his personal life, but now that I knew his secret.. maybe I should know something more.

"It's pretty serious. I haven't been so much serious about anyone in my life before," he replied. He looked like a teenager, who was in love for the first time.

"You look pretty happy with her. Then why don't you want the relation to last? Maybe your mother would agree to."

"Anna makes documentaries on poverty, food crisis, war zones in different countries. It requires her to travel extensively. Not only travel, they live in those places for a long time. And she loves it. It makes her happy. On the other hand, I'm bound to one place. I worked hard to establish my law firm, and this keeps me happy. We enjoy what we do... "

"Wow..that's.. I don't know what to say. You both are such inspiring people." I had never thought I would hear something like this from Rudy. Never had I expected him to give his heart and soul in a relationship which wasn't even supposed to last. I had always thought of him as a very analytical person.

"I'm afraid to even think.. like what if things don't work out? I don't want to regret about this later," I said out of nowhere.

"You'll regret it either way," Rudy looked at me and continued, "Sometimes doing things makes you a lot happier than controlling yourself. Unless you're doing lawful things." He added with a laugh.

I smiled. "There are a lot of if's and but's in my brain all the time."

"You know why Anna is so cheerful even when she has probably seen more pain than both of us combined? She never knows when something bad might pop up out of nowhere. She just wants to enjoy the happy moments to the fullest."

"That's good advice..."

"Just do what you feel like. Unless the guy has any red flags, it's gonna go great. We make things worse by overthinking." He said and got up to leave.

I nodded. Rudy was already an expert in legal advice, but I had never thought I would take love advice from him, too. "Thank you so much."

"Well, I have to say.. Phi doesn't seem like a person with red flags." He turned around immediately and walked away as I gaped at him from behind.

He knew!