The Air Between Us • NH

s i x t y n i n e

Six Months Later.

Song: Bea Miller - Force of Nature

cuz' you're a force of nature, look it what you've done, I can taste the danger.

...

Dreams that take us far through the night, deep down take us away from the soiled mess around our feet till the point we're floating. The skies the limit they say, more like an option to the altitude we can go because we can go and will go far. 

She wrote this out as it came to her, awoken from a dream... now forgotten.

...

New message...

Ducky: mouse?

...

Mouse: yes?

Ducky: hey.

Mouse: whats wrong?

Ducky: nothing.

Mouse: Niall. tell me.

His hands began to shake, his body trembling from the cold outside. No jacket, a thin white t-shirt and shorts adorned his body. The night sky above him, stars lighting up his way, bright moon surrounded by clouds. It was freezing but his body was numb.

Mouse: Niall...

Ducky: I miss you :(

...

That text gripped her heart, squeezing around like a closed fist. It was something different then, when he sent those words, she felt his pain. From so far away she felt that discomfort, that hurt seeping through her phone.

The phone rang for a minute before he picked up...

        "I'm sorry, I know its late, its just-" "Its okay, its gonna be okay... do you trust me?" she asked him, her voice soothing. "Yes..." she could barely hear his whisper. "Grier..." She waited, his breathing was ragged, he wasn't okay. She held her breath, somebody needed to be strong and she knew it had to be her.

The tears brimmed her eyes, knees to her chest as she sat up in bed, hair a mess from tossing and turning all night. The sheets clutched close to her as she focused on her breathing, listening to his shallow breaths, they began to scare her. Please, don't let him have a panic attack. God, please. Please...

       "It hurts... it hurts a lot."

Whenever things bothered him to an extent, this was the result... panic attacks. She experienced the first one with him before he went to Ireland to visit his mom, he was so angry with his father after a disagreement they had that he panicked. Claustrophobia was one thing, but now he was worrying so much that it took over his thoughts, filling that space and that was it. She didn't know what to do, there was no need to fix him, he wasn't damaged or broken, but he was in need of someone to listen and let some of that stress out. Talking, talking helped. She listened well, if that's all she could do, then that's what she would do.

...

        "Oh baby..." she cooed, it came out like comforting a child, he wasn't one, but it just came out that way. Tears spilling over, she clutched the phone tighter, closer she pressed it to her ear. She wanted to be there with him. She couldn't, she just couldn't, he'd have to get through this without her, that was the truth. Her voice over the phone was all she could give him. God, let it help just a little. Just a little. 

        "Ni-Niall, I do-don't know what to do, I-I'm sorry," shaky breaths broke her composure, breaking this strength she needed to help him. "Just hearing your voice is lovely. You're so lovely, you know that?" She nodded, "yea-yeah, you tell me everyday, thank you... I love you." Her hand to her cheek, feeling the tears roll over her knuckles. The salty drops on her lips, she wondered if he had been crying for her, late at night, just like she has.

These past few weeks had been rough, no one said long distance relationships were easy and they were right. There was nothing easy about being apart from someone you loved, someone you just wanted to hold, no sex, just to hold their hand, that would be enough. Sex wasn't everything, connecting with someone the way Niall and Grier had, was everything: trust, respect, courage to say how you felt about that person, that, that was everything. To be able to tell someone that you feel safe with them, she wanted that, needed it.

A small amount of things her mother couldn't give her, neither her friends, except him.

There was no man in Grier's life to show her what being a man looked like or meant, a father figure to tell a boy to show some respect cuz' thats his greatest treasure he was going out with. That if anything happened to her, he'd have to deal with him and he was someone you didn't wanna mess with.

She never had the chance to experience that, her father slipped out of her life so soon, it left an empty space in her heart; always wanted it, never got it. You don't always get what you want and Grier knew that, learned that at a young age. Her mom made up for many broken hearts, wounds, and tears. She was mom, and dad. But, mom had her problems too, and Grier couldn't fix those either; she loved and thats what she knew was right for the time being. Grier was eternally grateful of course, but, daddy was always dearly missed.

        "I cry a lot for you, makes me feel so stupid sometimes." A tiny gasp turned into a giggle that filled the quiet space. She stopped when that comment made her remember how much she really has cried for him, her breath hitched. "Why stupid?" She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He noticed the silence and continued, "I don't think it's stupid if you cry for someone you love, especially if they love you back with the same intensity." "Late at night," she asked the question that she already knew the answer to, "very late at night, have written a song about it." It was his turn to let a little chuckle out now.

Lightening the mood was always his best trait, making her laugh was his favorite thing in the whole world. The whole world, she was his whole world, and he was hers. Very big, a strong hold on both of them, talk about a force of nature.

...

        "What are yuh thinkin' beautiful?" She hummed in response. "Just... the fact that you write songs about us, I find that humbling." "Humbling?" He cocked his head, leaning back on the tree trunk he decided to sit down next to and talk for hours by. "Yeah, like, anyone else would be selfish and say, of course he'd write about me, or, yay, he wrote a song about me, but all I can say is, okay." A smile on her face, she said okay again. "Okay, he writes about us not just me, but us. I don't know if I alone, deserve that, but both of us, yeah... both of us. That's humbling."

        "That's humbling," he spoke back, testing the words. "To be humbled by one's own love, to be filled with happiness, you need nothing else." She felt a smile, she felt his smile, "you're smiling, aren't you?" Shaking his head, he smiled bigger, "to love a poet, is to smile endlessly, even when the words bring tears to your eyes, you continue to smile because the words just fill that small space you didn't know needed filling." Sighing as he closed his eyes, "I compose songs, but I'm no poet. That's all you. And God, I love you."

...

It got quiet on the line after he said that, fifteen minutes of the night sounds and the early morning chirping of birds on his end. "And God, thank you, for letting me fall in love with this boy, this beautiful man, this wonderful human being." He wiped a tear that trailed down slowly, never meeting the end of his jaw, as the back of his hand caught it. "Will you do me a favor?" His head bowed, eyes closed as he tried to picture her face. "Anything." Laying back, closing her eyes, letting his voice into her mind and lingering until she couldn't get it out. "Lend me your voice one day, your thoughts, the beautiful way you join words and make poetry. Can I ask that of you?"

A slight pause, she took her time to respond because God knew she couldn't say no to him. "On one condition." He grinned. "And what may that be?" She pursed her lips, thinking, finally speaking, "you perform it and it has to make me cry." He chewed on his own lip, pondering, the idea of playing this unknown song, many at that, brought him a bit of joy. "you got yourself a deal, little lady." She giggled and he told her he loved her before he had to go.

        "I'll meet you in the clouds, Mouse."

        "No place I'd rather be, Ducky."