No Blossom

XVI

"I know Saya well enough and she wouldn't date someone like you."

When she said that, for a moment I felt like I could die of shame. I had acted recklessly and lied, and even worse, she knew the truth. How did she know Saya? Were they friends? Maybe I could- Maybe I could explain the situation to her and she would understand.

No.

She had already packed her bag and left.

I wished the ground would swallow me up.

The days had started to feel shorter. The sun rose, but not long after was it already dark. Dark and quiet. The city glowed in orange as I traveled the subway back home every evening. I wasn't in a rush to get home, so just standing there in the crowd was good enough for me. Only when I was surrounded by people that I did not know could I truly disappear. It was comfortable. To not be looked at.

"You looked like a fairy."

She smiled faintly, so faintly that you could barely even call it a smile. But for her, it was definitely one. My face became flushed whenever I recalled her saying that. It wasn't just the fact that she had seen me when I was asleep and unaware, but because she said the strangest things with no hesitation. A fairy? Maybe she was right about that.

It made me smile a little too.

But then I remembered Hibiki's words.

"She wouldn't date someone like you."

Someone like me? What did she mean by that? There were a lot of things she could have been referring to, my appearance for one, or...my personality. Maybe even my career. Could she be right? Was I not good enough for Saya to date me?

I shuddered as the doors opened and cold wind entered. It was already winter.

As I walked up the flight of stairs that led out of the subway, the first thing that I noticed was the heavy smell of cigarette smoke. I looked around and saw a woman smoking while leaning her weight against the banister.

Huh?

"Saya?"

She stared at me quietly for a moment, then put out the cigarette and slipped on her gloves. I didn't know what to say, her silence made me feel uneasy sometimes. It was the second time we met in public like that, by chance. I was afraid that she would pretend not to know me or just leave. I wanted to close my eyes and wait for the moment to pass, so I wouldn't have to watch.

"Hmm? You're going home early today", She looked at her wrist watch, then at me. I was taken aback by her boldness, it wasn't what I had expected. But then again, why had I expected her to reject me like that? Was it because of what Hibiki had said earlier? Although I was somewhat used to hearing such remarks, for some reason it cut me deeper this time. It was almost as though Hibiki wasn't trying to be cruel to me, but to help me face reality. My reality.

"I lied", I whispered, avoiding her eyes. I didn't know why I blurted it out so suddenly, but during my time with Saya I always had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I couldn't hide anything from her. My conscience would devour me.

"I...There's a woman at work. Her name is Hibiki. Ito Hibiki".

...

I proceeded to tell her about what had happened, from how Hibiki kept picking on me at work, to how I had lied to her about dating Saya, and that Hibiki saw through it. By the time I was finished with my story, I was sure I had humiliated myself for the last time.

"Hibiki?" She pondered and frowned, deep in thought, then shook her head. "I don't know anyone like that".

What? I stopped in my tracks and stared at her.

"I moved back to Japan last year. I don't know a lot of people in the city."

My thoughts drifted back to Hibiki and her snarky voice. Had she been lying to me as well? But why would she do such a thing? Was it that obvious to her that I was making up the part about Saya being my girlfriend? It didn't make any sense. But then again, for Hibiki to pester me every day she must have really hated me.

"You're not angry at me?" I asked her, surprised that she was more concerned about who Hibiki was than the fact that I had made up such an inappropriate story.

She shook her head, then looked up at the sky.

"Oh."

"It's snowing."