No Blossom

XII

"What are you talking about?"

Realizing that I wasn't making any sense, I looked away from her and down at the floor. What was I even trying to say? She must not have wanted to talk with me about those things, about that man. After all she had already told me her side of the story, so my questions would only irritate her more.

But I still couldn't stop myself from asking her about it.

"That man...with you...He did it differently from how we do it". I tried to avoid looking up at her because I didn't want to see the annoyance on her face, an expression I had gotten all too used to seeing at work. But once again, her face remained as expressionless as ever. "Why?"

"You were watching that closely? It's because he was on top", She explained, crossing her arms. "You're weak, so it would be inconvenient because I take a long time to come". Hearing that, I felt insulted, but at the same time I knew she wasn't lying either.

I guess it made sense.

"Or do you want to try? I guess one time won't hurt". Before I could object, she moved over to the couch and took off her bottoms, her rear exposed to me. "Wh-What are you-", I stumbled back a few steps in confusion. But as usual, she didn't look even the least bit ashamed, her eyes observing me as though waiting for me to respond.

Then I heard the sound of water rattling against the living room windows.

It started to rain.

While I was distracted, she had already grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her.

Warm hands that I didn't want to let go of.

It was the first time that I'd ever been in a position like that, it felt a bit unnatural and I was more nervous than any other time. But I didn't want to disappoint her. "Am- Am I doing it correctly?" I shivered as I entered into her slowly, trying to hold back my voice as best I could. She didn't say anything but gave a slight nod and gestured for me to continue.

I thrust inside her carefully, I didn't want to make a mistake and maybe hurt her. Was I hurting her? She didn't look like she was in pain, not that I could see her face anyway. "It's alright", I heard her say. "You can moan". She turned to look at me and brought a hand up to stroke my hair. Only then I realized that I had been biting into my lip to stay quiet.

Saya...

Saya.

Saya!

I didn't want to be so loud, I knew someone could hear me if I didn't keep quiet. But I couldn't keep quiet. My whole body was shivering, and as she kept stroking my hair and telling me it was okay to let it out, I thought I would pass out. I liked her, I liked her a lot, I didn't want to keep it a secret from her anymore.

The rain drowned out my voice as I moaned out her name and words that made no sense, until I came and collapsed next to her.

"Saya-san".

"Hmm?"

...

"Please only do it with me", I mumbled with the last bits of strength I had left.

When I next woke up in the morning, the first thing I saw was the sunlight leaking in from my kitchen window. The rain had stopped but the windows were still wet. I rolled over on the couch, my body aching from sleeping in such an uncomfortable place. When my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized that there was someone next to me. It was her.

"Saya-san..." I gasped. She was sound asleep, her face calm and much softer than when she was awake. The image I had of Saya was very different from what she looked like then, she was reserved and observant, not vulnerable like this. Getting to see a different side of her made me feel special, it was almost as if we were dating.

Dating?

I reached my hand towards her face to touch her, but when I realized what I was about to do, I pulled back and scolded myself. She was asleep, she would be angry if I touched her when she was unaware. I shouldn't do that.

"Mhm", I heard a grumble from her.

"What's the time? Oh, it's only 7", She sat up, stretching her arms. "I should still leave, for work".
I knew she would say that, staying the night at my place must have not been her intention in the first place. She was probably just tired and fell asleep. "I watched you sleep".

What?

She had- She had been watching me while I slept?

"You looked like a fairy".

A...fairy?

I looked at her in confusion, but it didn't seem like she was joking. What was I thinking? She didn't make jokes out of the blue like that. "I'll leave my address here on the table. I live in Kawasaki". As she said that, she was already getting dressed by the door. But before she left, abruptly out the door like all the times before, she turned her head and glanced back at me. I was sure that I was imagining it, because instead of an expressionless face, this time she looked like she was thinking about something while observing me. What could she have been thinking about?