No Blossom

XI

"Why are you here?"

"What kind of a question is that? Am I not welcome?" Keiji crossed his arms over his chest and glanced at the hallway. I quickly shook my head and told him that wasn't the case, I was just surprised. Showing up like that out of the blue was not like him at all, and it made me suspect that my father had put him up to it.

But truth to be told, I wasn't that happy to see him, especially at that time. If he had come all the way from Sendai to see me he would likely have to stay the night at my place, unless he was in the city on work, in that case he would probably stay at a hotel or an inn.

What would I even say to him if he said he wanted to sleep at my apartment? Could I tell him about Saya?

"Look here, I brought sake with me", Keiji took out a bottle and set it on the table along with some takeout. Great. As I reached into the cupboard to grab us two glasses, I noticed him eyeing my apartment carefully. "Ne, it's kind of cold in here. Are you trying to save on heating? You should just buy a kotatsu if that's the case".

I scratched the back of my head and sighed in annoyance, though he couldn't hear it. It wasn't typical for him to pay attention to me or take note of irrelevant details like that.

Keiji had two cups of sake before he had enough of the silence and started telling me how things were back in Sendai. Cold, bad weather, nothing that I didn't already know. My mother had back pain the day before but that had apparently subsided as well.

"What's it really like over there?" Keiji stopped and looked at me. What?

Growing up Keiji didn't acknowledge me all that much, we weren't like the other neighborhood kids who fought with their siblings and then made up at the end of the day. We were just two people with the same blood. That didn't mean I didn't want him to accept me, though I never expected him to think very highly of me either.

"Do they just push you around or do you get any respect?"

His question made me think back to my job and the kind of things I usually had to deal with on a daily basis. I did get kicked around on one too many occasions, but that would have happened to me in any case.

I didn't understand why he wanted to know about that, though. He was a salaryman, he didn't mind being the unfair person because that was simply the way of life.

Suddenly there was a knock to my door. One steady and two shorter ones, a bit on the lazy side, but I knew right away who it was.

"Hmm? Are you expecting someone?"

I looked down at the sake and the cup that I had only taken a sip from. Over an hour had passed just like that, yet Keiji was still there. Heat rose to my cheeks thinking about how I would explain the situation to him. Could I tell him the truth or would I have to lie? I had to get him to leave but I didn't want him to get offended.

Before I knew it, he had gotten up and walked to the door. There was a moment of silence after the door opened, then someone spoke: "Kiryuu? Are you here?"

I rushed to the door to greet her, and there she was, looking past Keiji and directly at me. I...

Keiji crossed his arms and looked at the floor, as if I couldn't tell that he was judging me.

"Sorry, I'm his brother. I showed up without letting him know. I didn't think he was going to have someone over later."

"Takayama Keiji", He held out his hand to her. Saya looked at it in confusion for a bit, but soon took it and gave it a shake. She looked him up and down but I couldn't really tell what she was thinking. Would she be angry at me? What also worried me was that by now Keiji must have figured out what was going on, or even worse, he would tell everything to my father.

"It's alright, I don't mind", She said, and I sighed in relief. I had feared that she would leave and possibly not come back in a few days like before. Or that she would...

Never mind that.

But now that they were both there in my apartment, I had no idea how to act. Keiji didn't ask what our relationship was, and the fact that he was trying to be delicate about the matter felt like mockery. Because he would never say it to my face.

Fortunately, he left not even twenty minutes in and said he would be staying at an inn with the company. After his footsteps disappeared down the stairs, I turned to look at Saya who sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. It brought back memories from the first time she came to visit me. I remembered the spilt coffee on her skin and the way she licked it off her finger right in front of me.

"He looks down on you", She suddenly said and set the cup down. What?

Then I realized she must have been speaking of Keiji. Ah, yes, I knew that. But he had plenty of reason to look down on me, I wasn't just a failure out in the business world but I was also his brother. I couldn't help him save face, of course he would be disappointed in me. Just like my father.

"You're still wearing that shirt? It must not be very comfortable, you should change", She pointed. Right, I hadn't even gotten the chance to change when I came home.

I started unbuttoning my shirt, but then noticed that she was watching. Why was she watching? She hadn't done that before. I began to feel nervous about undressing in front of her and stopped. Even when we did it I couldn't help but feel embarrassed, I was so exposed to her. What did she think of me?

I thought back to the man I'd seen with her in the office. He looked completely different from me, he was more heavily built. Did she like men like that?

As I started comparing myself to the man from the law firm, I understood that I didn't just look different from him. When I saw him and Saya in the office, he was the assertive one. When she did it with me, she was always the one that took the lead. Was it because I didn't know what to do?

"Saya...", I gripped her shoulders and looked at her.

Was I burden to her?