Destiny

十二

Months have passed now, and not me, not Namjoon neither the rulers can see the things getting better, on the contrary everything was getting even worse. Plague, in this short span of almost 2 months killed over 200 people of the village and over 9000 people of the kingdom. Yet, thousands of people were still admitted or either was on the self care. The ratio of people getting healthier were so much less than that of dieing. Each and every day hundreds of people got diagnosed by the disease. The rulers, or I must say Namjoon-ssi got even busier with tha case that he got even less time for himself. We used to receive letters from Eomma and Appa, but as things got worse and the postman stopped delivering letters since entry and exit from one village to other were closed a long ago. This broke Namjoon as the only proof of him making sure that his parents are well on the other side. It took him a while to get over that distance, and why not, they were his parents after all.

"Atleast have your breakfast." Y/N said calmly as she ran behind her husband who was running before her. "I don't have time... The outbreak is getting worse." He started wearing his slippers when the dam of emotions Y/N was holding finally broke down resulting to which she threw the spatula she was holding towards the window, shattering the glass into uncountable pieces. The sudden chattering made Namjoon flinch at his position as he looked at the young girl with rather annoying look. The man was already tired of all the work load he was having on himself and he wasn't ready to hear any more tantrums, not now. Intentionally or unintentionally, he let out his anger from people, rulers on Y/N... "Why are you so dramatic? Do you know how hard I work to maintain this house? Do you know the amount of workload I have on my shoulders? You just sit in this house, safe, doing nothing doesn't mean that everyone around the world is in the same condition as you. You should atleast appreciate what you got." He took a deep breath. "Ofcourse you are from a poor family, getting every other things that you want suddenly from sacrificing to fulfill your needs. Did you start taking everything for granted now? My mother told me that you'd fill hee void, but let me tell you, you can never." He said and turned away to leave as his words shooted arrows to the fragile heart of the young girl. "Workload?" She said calmly yet coldly, giving Namjoon shivers with her voice only. "Have you seen your face in ages? Your cheekbones are visible, do you even know you look like a walking skeleton now? You don't eat breakfast, you don't eat lunch neither dinner." She took pause as her voice cracked, Namjoon on the other hand didn't had the guts to turn around and look her at her. "I die here, little by little, bit by bit worrying for you, and what do I get for making it all for you? You even get paid for your job whether as I? I wash your clothes, prepare food for you three times a day, makes yiur bed, clean your house. What do you do for me!? Do you even give me a bit of attention I deserve as a wife? Or did you just bring yourself a servant?" She scoffed. "Appreciate everything? I didn't know you were a hypocrite as well. Do you appreciate when you get food for 3 times a day while other people out there are dieing for it?" Namjoon on the other hand was shocked to hear their wife talk back, because ain't no one in this male dominative society dares to raise their voice at their husband. "I know I was poor but ain't no one was dieing to marry you here either. Let me tell you, I didn't even know you existed! I always dreamt for my one, that him and I will meet eventually but when our parents arranged this filthy wedding or what I may state as an auction, selling me to you, I accepted that you were my one, that I have to find that man in you, I respected you, cared for you, did everything I could for you just for you to make fun of my background? I liked your personality more than anything Namjoon-ssi, but why does it appear void to me now?" Namjoon, now can feel the same arrows in his heart that some time ago Y/N felt. "I know I can never take the place of your mother, I'm well aware of that even after trying my best, giving my best. Because she is she, I'm me. But what about you? I never wanted you to be anyone so that I can rely on you, love you. You just had to be you, you just had to be a husband, and guess what you even failed at that." Saying so she ran away to the room, locking herself in. As Namjoon finally turned around to look only at the gate closing, feeling a strange thing in his stomach. Coughing once or twice, he wondered why does he suddenly have frequent coughs for almost a week now, but that was the least of his concern now. There were many things that were his priority currently, helping villagers was one of them. And without thinking for the second time, he left the house. 

"How's everything." The men asked Namjoon as he handed over the records of what is inspected and observed around the country till then. "The things are getting worse, we expect more casualities in the coming times." He explained. in the response the man let out a 'tch' and nodded. "Perhaps the end of the world is near." The silence took over all over, as the crackling voice of Y/N ranged in Namjoon's head. "Kim, I hope you could maybe work for a little overnight today?" He heard his senior and he could feel a pang in his chest. How selfish of them that they always made him work to fulfill their duty, never he had ever got the chance to reject their orders but somehow today he got the guts to. He knew, that even he himself is unaware if in the coming days whether he or his senior would be alive or not to cause a dispute, so if it was for Y/N, for whom he have never did anything, it's today or never. "I'm sorry sunbae, I have to take care of myself as well and protect me. I'm afraid I can't work today." Saying so he just bowed and turned around to leave as his senior was taken aback by his sudden response. "Hey Namjoon, don't you know I'm your senior? I can make your life a living hell if you don't listen to me." "My life is already a hell thanks to you." "Do you want to die?" "I'm not araid of it either." Saying so he bowed down and left. 

On the way, only Y/N was roaming around his head. He acknowledges that how much she cares for him and how much he means to her, but not being able to express his love, he was bound by his not so expressive self. Overall, the workload took the best of him and he happened to take choose the not so wise words which he shouldn't have fue to fatigue. He was ready to apologise knowing that this time he was at the wrong but for now reaching the house on time was his priority, his topmost priority. 

"I'm home." He said as he closed the main door and entered the house, removing his slippers. The house was unusually quiet. No cooking smell, nothing could be heard round and around. Controlling his inner panic, he calmed himself down and shook his head to refrain any negative thought taking up his mind. With slow and quiet steps, he reached the upper floor only to find Y/N sleeping while keeping her head on his table. He lit the lamp as he moved it closer to her face getting a better view only tk find her eyes swollen as if water was filled in both of them. He wasn't that much of an idiot to not understand that she was probably crying after he left the house. Ofcourse he was so rude to her, she would be crying not smiling nor blushing at the way he behaved. Her swollen eyes and red cheeks immediately filled him with utter guilt as he felt his heart sinking. The fact that he was the reason for her condition when he promised her parents that he would take a better care of her and will never ever hurt her made him even more guilty. That's when her mother's words struck his head like a thunder shock. He promised her as well. Immediately he got up and went to the kitchen to prepare something for both of them. 

"I'm sincerely sorry." He mumbled as he wrote the words on a piece of paper sliding it under the plate in which he brought food for her, keeping the plate right in front of her. 

Namjoon's POV*

I know I am not the perfect husband you were looking for, I'm not even a percent of him. I don't know how i should express myself, I don't know how to care for you, I don't know how to become a better husband. I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean that I don't respect the efforts you put in for me, I don't respect your love, I don't respect you and that's doesn't mean that I don't love you. 

I coughed again, and as expected BLOOD.