Empty

●Chapter Seventeen●

I had no idea what time it was, but I knew it was late. The movie was over and Netflix was asking if we were still watching. I silently watched as Kuroo got up to turn everything off and put it away. 

As he did though, I heard quiet crying and sniffling. When everything was away, I watched as he went and sat against the wall of the room, nabbing one of Kenma's vapes and a bottle from his bag that I could only assume was one of the bottles filled with alcohol. Whether it was one of his that had vodka or one of Bokuto's that had moonshine, I had no idea.

"God, get out of my fucking head." I heard a shaky, crying whisper. I laid there and listened to see what else I heard. 

"It's not working. It's not. Fucking working." He cried. His breathing got faster and more audible, stopping for a few seconds every so often to hit the vape or take a sip from the bottle. 

"Just let me die. I'm so sick of feeling this way. I'm a God damn mother fucking failure." He held his hand over his mouth to muffle sobs. Not too long after I heard his bag shuffle again and heard what sounded like a pocket knife open. I'm all too familiar with that sound. I couldn't let him try to hurt himself, Kenma wouldn't forgive me. I got up and rushed over to him, seeing that I was right. 

"Kuroo, put the knife down. It's not worth it." I whispered. 

"J-just fucking let me." He cried. 

"Kuroo, please, lay it down." I held his arm with the knife in it, knowing I'm not strong enough to actually hold him back but also knowing he won't do anything in fear of hurting me along with himself. 

"Suga, let go. Please. Just let me fucking do it."

"Kuroo, think rationally here. You don't want those cuts playing volleyball."

"I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care." 

"Hey, hey,, hey, it's alright. Come with me." I said. I helped him up off the ground and I led him across the hall to the bathroom where we could talk a bit more openly. 

"Can I have the knife?" I asked. He hesitantly complied, closing it and handing it to me. I popped it into the pocket of my sweatpants. 

"I...You weren't supposed to see this. No one was." He cried. 

"I know. But I'm glad I did. I can't let you hurt yourself. I assume the bottle you had was alcohol?"

"Yeah...I was trying to get black out crossfaded. Try to drown these goddamn voices. I can't do it anymore." He broke down, falling to his knees and sobbing. I dropped to his side. 

"How often does this happen?" 

"Not often. Every 2 weeks or so it'll get this bad." He said. 

"Have you ever hurt yourself before?" 

"No. But tonight I was going to...I want them to go away." 

"I know dude, I know. Go grab the vape, let's go outside for a bit and calm down, okay." I suggested. He nodded and grabbed it and I led him outside. 

"Why is life like this?" He said, tears still falling. 

"Because it likes fucking us in the ass.' I said. 

"Wanna hit?" He asked. I nodded and took a few before handing it back. We stood there passing the vape and talking for a while. 

"You okay now?" I asked. 

"Yeah. I'm okay. Not perfect but...I don't think I'll try and hurt myself." 

"Good. If you need anything, wake me up or something, okay." 

"Thank you, Suga." 

"Anytime dude. Let's head in and get some sleep. It's getting late." He nodded and led the way back in where everyone else was still dead asleep. We got into our areas and fell asleep.

Word Count; 649