I Miss You (kellic)

May These Noises Startle You in Your Sleep

I ran my hand across the paper giving myself the slightest paper cut. I rubbed the blood off onto the sleeve my hoodie and wiped my nose. Taking tests you don't study for are always an adventure. I am nervous. Why am I nervous? I guess the small part of me that still has hope wants me to pass. I'm a senior, why does it matter anyways? I circled "C" even though I had a feeling it was really "B" but why does it matter? It shouldn't matter to me anyways.
I chewed on the end of my pencil and turned the paper over to bullshit my way through the next set of questions.
I feel the anticipation of everyone else as the class nears its end. The last question is easy and I turn in the test right before they push past me to get to their last class. I sigh and collect my things and proceed to Physics. Mike is standing in the doorway talking to some sort of friend. To be honest I'm a little afraid to approach him. After what Kellin has told me, I feel like I don't even know him anymore. But I do it anyways because I'm anxious for some kind of affection.

"Hey Mikes," I say trying to be causal.

His friend walks away, "Oh hey Vic," he says to me.

I try to smile but it feels so awkward, "Why'd you take the bus?"

He hesitated, "Well I thought you were sick again. I didn't want to bother you."

Don't get emotional, "It bothers me more that I couldn't drive you."

"Oh, sorry," he shrugged.

Stay calm. Don't break down again.
"It's important to me. It matters a lot."

He gives me a weird look, "Why does it matter so much?"

This made me angry almost, but I don't get angry. Not usually. I just feel pain.
"I-it doesn't anymore I guess," I felt the tears build up and up. Why am I still standing here?

He groaned, "Don't do this."

"Sorry I don't want to embarrass you with your fucked up brother!" I screamed as I ran to the bathrooms. No one ever comes in here, so I should be safe. I don't feel save though, I feel empty again. The emptiness makes me want to. I've never done it at school. I've never even brought them to school. I look around the stalls and notice there's someone else in here. I bit my lip and try my hardest not to cry but I can't hold it back anymore. My lip quivers and the tears fall from my face quickly and sloppily. I don't dare look in the mirror at my pathetic breakdown. I hold my breath and try to calm down but this just makes it harder. Then I hear a small whimper come from one of the stalls. The bathroom becomes very quiet and I hear it again. I take a step backwards and hit the trash can interrupting the silence. The whimpering stops and soon I hear the toilet flush.

I keep my eyes on my hands as the stall door opens slowly. I look up and to my surprise it's Kellin. He stares at the ground, unmoving.

"Vic?" He asks softly.

I nod but keep my eyes away from him. I'm afraid to see what he looks like crying. I've never imagined him sad, only snarky and arrogant. I wasn't prepared for this Kellin.

He chuckles, "Fucking allergies."

I finally decide to look at him and his eyes are stained red and puffy from crying. He rubs them and turns on the water to wash his hands.

"Me too," I say to try to make him feel better. He shouldn't have to feel embarrassed because he was crying. Crying is a part of the heeling process and shouldn't be a sign of weakness, but a sign of hope and reconciliation.

He gets up really close to me all of a sudden and I can feel my face going bright red, "No more bullshit, okay? We both know what was actually going on here. You tell anyone? You're dead."