I Miss You (kellic)

Bulletbroof Love

"Shit!" Mama yells, thrusting the car door open violently.

I back away from Kellin, my mind completely blank: He said he loved me, again? He's not drunk. Does he mean it this time? What the fuck is going on?! Do I love him? Fuck, I can't handle this right now.

Kellin wipes his mouth and shifts away from me.

Mama stares back at me raising an eyebrow, "Vic? What's wrong?"

I catch my breath nervously, "W-what? Nothing, nothing happened. I mean nothing's wrong."

Smooth.

She gives me another questioning look but brushes it off, backing out of the parking lot.

I keep my eyes down, attempting to avoid Kellin's at all costs. I can't believe he said that. What the fuck?! Am I supposed to say it back? Of coarse not; I'm not supposed to say it back. I can if I want to, I mean, if I feel that way of coarse. But do I? I couldn't just avoid the not so subdued and most obvious truth: Kellin loves me. Or at least he thinks he does. How do you really know for sure? This is something you must figure out on your own, meaning no one can tell you exactly how to feel or for that matter if you feel. Shit! He's messing with my mind. As if I didn't have a lack of control over myself already.

"This is unbelievable," Mama mutters, interrupting my thoughts.

"What's wrong?" Kellin asks suddenly. The words seemed almost forced out of his mouth.

She sighs, "Oh, Kellin, it's okay, we just have to go to court next Tuesday and get a restraining order."

She shot me another look, which I assumed was to make Kellin drop the subject.

Oh don't worry, I'm upset with him too.

Fuck, we really needed to talk about this; and the more time that passes, the worse it'll end up resulting in. I just need to get him alone again.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kellin responds, over-killing the polite tone.

I nonchalantly run my thumb across my wrist, which was impetuously slightly, exposed. I push my sleeve up a little, staring down at them. I hated that I couldn't cut. I fucking hated it. I hated how the one thing that I'd begged for my entire life finally shoved it's way at myself at an extremely violent yet gentle way: someone finally cares about me. But not just cares, someone finally loves me. And not in the way my mother claims to, because that's just bullshit. But, in the way that I've always hoped for.

Fuck! I do love Kellin.

I glanced back at him, probably like some obsessed love-struck girl, not knowing exactly what I should say. What could I say? Mama's still in the front seat, and holy shit that would be disastrous.

"It'll be alright," Mama says smiling. I loathed that fake smile too.

"Hey Mama can you drop Kellin and I off at Flores? We're meeting some friends there," I ask, trying to sound less annoyed with her than I inevitably was.

She groans in annoyance, but gives in, "Fine."

"Gracias," I say to her somewhat..cheerfully? Was I happy about this? Perhaps. I mean, love makes people happy right? This is so pathetic.

The drive to Flores only took about half an hour from the court house, which I had discovered was an extremely tense and uncomfortable amount of time for Kellin and I. The space between us seemed to grow more and more distant, and the longer we went without talking about it, the more awkward the situation ripen into. I still felt like I could cave in at any second. The overwhelming anxiety which had so generously plagued my body before took over. But it was a different kind of anxiousness; it was the kind that motivates you to get off of your ass and do something. And that's exactly what I needed. Especially considering my lack of confidence in social situations. However, it was just Kellin, and even though my nerves and paranoia had ascendancy over what I ultimately ended up doing, this new found "love" could completely change everything. After all, this is want I've been, as cliché as it sounds, dreaming of for as long as I can remember.