I Miss You (kellic)

The Divine Zero

Even though Kellin promised we would "talk" about it later, the impending weight of the conversation hung over me like the sword of Damocles.

We were sitting outside of an Old Navy now, waiting for Mama to get the rest of her shopping done for the goddamn retreat. Kellin sits close to me, eating a hotdog sloppily. The incisive chewing was giving me a bit of a headache, but I wasn't in the mood to complain. I wasn't in the mood for anything really. For some indiscernible reason, I was incapable of happiness without some kind of mental torture and guilt trips to contrive for it. No one really knew of this, except Mike. And I guess now Kellin, after he pointed out that I was lying to him.

He swallows loudly and sips at his sweet tea, looking over at me.

"What?" I asked him.

He sets his paper cup down on the other side of his hip, "Is this the last stop?"

"I don't know," I answer simply. Why would you think I know? I never talk to her. I never talk to anyone consequently, unless I have to.

He groans in annoyance, throwing his head back against the mild wind, "I hate shopping!"

I rolled my eyes at his immaturity, "You're the one who wanted to come."

"Yeah but only cause I wanted to spend time with you," his voice fades off, a small twinge of pink stained his cheeks.

"Kellin, I see you almost everyday," I tell him. Which was true, he was the only person I didn't mind being around. Even if my depression happens to immiscibly invite itself present. And that's how I was feeling right now; completely worthless. As much as I forced myself to assimilate the lack of human contact, I wanted to be hugged. But not just a hug from anyone, a hug from Kellin.

He frowns, his dark eyebrows furrowing together, "Okay okay geez."

I chew on my lower lip, trying to hold back the extremely inappropriate and unprovoked tears. What the fuck?! Why am I crying?! Nothing was even happening.. Fuck you mood disorder or bipolar or hormones. I don't even know what to call it anymore.

Unfortunately for me, a single drop escaped my eyes. Kellin caught my hand before I could even wipe it away.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, gently flicking the water off of my face with his thumb.

My lip quivers pathetically, "I-I don't k-know."

He sighs, "You want to talk about it?"

Talk about what? I don't even know why I'm crying asshole!

"I-I don't know if there is anything to talk about," I choke out through unconstrained tears.

"No, that's not what I meant," Kellin says, scooting closer to me on the sidewalk, "I'm talking about your legs."

"Wait what? Kellin no I-" he shushes me, "Vic, I saw them; all of the scars and cuts on your thighs. You never told me about those. I asked you if they were anywhere else the first time I found out about your arms and you said no. You lied to me."

He's right. But what the fuck was I supposed to do?! Give him more disappointment? More reason to feel sorry for me?

"I'm sorry," my voice weak and faint.

He just sighs again, resting his head on my shoulder, "It's okay. I just wish you wouldn't have lied to me. Especially about something like that."

"I'm just not used to people caring," I say.

Much to my surprise, he stands up quite dramatically, staring down at me with a look of determination, "Well you better get used to it, because I'm never going to stop caring about you."