Colors (Phan AU)

sixteen

Dan sat alone in his room. The blinds were shut, and the lights were off. He was sitting in his desk chair watching the ceiling fan spin. Depressing thoughts filled his mind, and he pushed away the thought of the blade. He wanted to stop for Phil.

On the outside it would've seemed that Dan and Louise had a healthy relationship... But it was quite the opposite. Earlier that evening they had been in the parking lot talking.

"You know," Louise looked up at Dan, her eyes filled with concern. "I don't know how much longer this relationship can last."

"What do you mean?" Dan asked, suddenly worried. He looked into her beautifully colored eyes and could barely see himself in their reflection.

She shifted awkwardly. "Well I don't know..."

"Louise..." He whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders. He pulled her into a hug, then kissed her briefly. Then another kiss came, but she pushed him away.

"I'm sorry Dan, I can't do this," she told him. His face fell.

"Oh," was all he could manage to say.

So there he was in his bedroom questioning life and falling into an existential crisis. What would he do now? Would the relationship be able to make it? What if it didn't? Did it even matter if they would die eventually anyway? Did love even matter? Did life even matter? Question after question ran through his brain as he sat in that desk chair. He didn't even bother to cry; he knew it was worthless.

Why cry? He asked himself. There's no point to cry anymore.

He just wanted everything to stop, for time itself to stop. Then he would have enough time to think. In fact, he'd have forever. But what was the purpose of that if he had no one to spend forever with?

Maybe if he couldn't stop time itself, he'd shorten his time left.

~

Phil was tempted to call Dan, but decided against it. Dan probably was off with Louise and didn't have time for him. Instead, Phil just worked on his assignment in silence. He had been given an essay prompt by his english teacher.

"Write descriptively about the importance of love and companionship." It read.

What was the importance of love? Of companionship? Those were just two words without meaning unless given meaning. You could tell anyone you loved them, but it didn't mean anything unless you actually meant it. Phil wrote that in his essay, stating that love had no meaning unless you found a special someone you love. Until then, love was just a useless word. With love you have companionship. And with both love and companionship comes peace and serenity. Mostly.

Love and companionship, Phil wrote, was needed to have a working society. Both allowed the world continue as one, and allowed people to work together.

Phil dropped his pencil and scooted away from his desk. He couldn't stand to write his essay any longer. It caused thoughts of Dan, and he tried to push them away. Phil went downstairs to grab a snack, hoping to make the thoughts leave. But even as he sat in the kitchen eating, the thoughts still lingered.

He told his parents he was going to a friend's house to help with a project. Then he grabbed his keys and got in his car.

~

Dan needed a way to do it. But he simply didn't know how he would. What way was the best way to die?

He had began to pace his room. Back and forth he walked across the carpet at a steady pace. How would he die?

He became frustrated with himself. He couldn't decide. How did he wish to die?

Eventually he decided to go outside for some fresh air. He didn't know where to go, so he just went. With his keys in hand he went out to his car.

~

Phil drove where the road took him. That road eventually lead to the west side of the park. He parked his car and got out to walk the pavement around the park.

He began walking towards the east side of the park, but only got halfway there. In the middle of the park was a playground, and he noticed someone sitting on the swing set. Their back was to him, but he knew who it was. His feet stopped in their tracks.

Why was Dan at the park?

~

Dan was sitting on the swing set alone. There was no one else in the park then, so it was easy for him to hear the approaching footsteps. Whoever it was was on the pavement and likely not headed for the playground, but he turned around anyway. His eyes widened in recognition.

Why was Phil at the park?

~

Their eyes met, and they both awkwardly looked away. But soon Phil was walking towards the swing set and sitting down next to Dan.

"Hey," Dan mumbled, looking away from Phil.

Phil could tell something was wrong. "Hey, what's bothering you?"

Dan mumbled again, "nothing." He shifted in the swing and turned to Phil. Dan's eyes were red and puffy from crying, and he occasionally sniffled.

"Dan, what is wrong?" Phil asked, demanding for an answer.

"It's just," Dan sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Me and Louise's relationship isn't going well. I think she wants to break it off."

"Why?" Was all Phil asked.

"I don't know," Dan wiped his nose on his sleeve again.

Phil hesitated, but then said what was on his mind. "Hey you know you could come over to my house if you want. We could watch anime or-"

"No," Dan interrupted. "I'm fine. Sorry, I've got to go." And with that he got up and walked away. Phil watched him leave and wanted to beg for him to stay. But he didn't, and he knew he would regret it.

A/N
Happy Bunny Day! 🐰
sorry I've once again made you wait so long for an update. There might be another update tomorrow ^•^

xoxo