HOMESTUCK X Reader

Where are my Doritos| Dirk x Reader

Dirk stared at the messages from last night. You had practically proposed to him with the amount of love songs listed by the links of this chat. You both were very similar in one way. Both of you didn't talk much, you would rather try and explain how you felt or what you wanted by listing a bunch of songs. They were always wicked songs. As you often put it, hellas rad to the max. He laughed at that phrase because it always sounded so dorky. You always knew what to say when you DID talk, and ever since his older brother died, he had no will to respond. He sighed and began typing. This was the first time in about three weeks that he actually felt like responding to you. I can't leave her hanging like that... he thought, typing on his nonchalant 'hey' up in the message board. His Autoresponder sat on standby, backup In case he faltered. He hated Hal with a burning passion but he was there for him sometimes. Your message came quicker than he expected. It was a link to a song labeled ET by Katy Perry. He sat there dumbfounded for a moment as another song popped up, he started blushing furiously. The song was Peacock. He knew the lyrics well. He faltered only a moment before responding with a song called animal by nickelback. Then you replied with heart on by celldweller. Dirk slams his face into a keyboard red as a tomato. All these sexual songs. You sent one more message before logging of. I'm coming over. Dirk panicked, tossing all of his puppets in his closet frantically. He kicked all of the shit on the floor into a corner and picked up  phone to order a large Hawaiian pizza, still madly cleaning up everything in his apartment. Once done he tossed his phone on his freshly made bed and put all of his katanas into his unused linen closet. He cleared his browser history from all the erotic songs and used a 1970's vacuum to pull up all the dirt, for something with no power, it works well.  He sighed and had a quick shower, changing into a fresh set of clothes and shoving the dirty ones in an already overloaded hamper. The place was as spotless as it ever had been and he smiled triumphantly at his job well done. There came a knocking at the door, he ran to the door and flung it open, it was the pizza delivery guy. You sigh and hand him a twenty, taking the pizza and bottle of soda from him and closing the door.

   -----Your POV----
   You ran as fast as you could to Dirk's house. You had no idea what to expect when you got there. Will he not answer? Will his house be a mess? Does he have a girlfriend? Am I making a big mistake?  You stop short, now worried you might anger someone if he has a girlfriend. What did you just sign up for??? You hesitantly walk up the apartment stairs, glad someone had been walking out. You slip by the lady and rush to catch the next elevator, jumping in and pressing 10.

Your anxiety levels rise when you see someone at the door, but thankfully it was just a delivery guy. He ordered pizza? You look a little concerned for your crush's health and slowly beeline for the door and knock, now feeling tour heart in your chest. Dirk opens his door and stares at you blankly before inviting you inside. What you lay your eyes upon, shocks you. His house is spotless! Not even a video game disc out of place. His carpet was freshly vacuumed and his kitchen was so clean you could probably eat off of the floor, not that you ever would.  You look back at him as he lights what you counted as a shit tonne of candles. You could fart and the place would explode from all the open flames. Again, not that you planned on letting one rip in his apartment. That would raise too many questions. You shake all these odd thoughts put of your head and sit yourself on the couch as he puts a movie you have never seen before. It sounded Italian or something. You ignored the movie completely and picked up the bag of Doritos. Don't do something weird with the bag of Doritos. Don't do something weird with the bag of Doritos! DON'T DO SOMETHING WEIRD WITH THE BAG OF DORITOS!!!
You did something weird with the bag of Doritos. Shoving them down your shirt to keep the babies warm, you ate put of what looked like to everyone, your boob.  You watch as Dirk plops on the couch and reaches down your shirt for a Doritos like it was nothing. You stare at him for a good minute and he illicits no response. You turn your face to the Apple juice and do something weird with that too. Long story short it murdered several Doritos in its attempt to keep warm too. Dirk looks at you clearly undeterred by sexual prowess. You gape in horror as he undies your bra and pulls it out of the way, grabbing the Apple juice and downing it. You stare at him like he just took your firstborn and taught him yaoi. You munch on the Doritos to numb the lack of bra, shock you just received. You take the last dorito and Dirk stares at you in apathetic horror as you pop it in your mouth. He crashes into your lips and shoving his tongue in your mouth... you shiver as he takes the dorito and pulls away, chewing it. That's all he's ever after... you think dismally. Just then, Dirk leans in and kisses you softly, un buttoning your green shirt and tossing it aside as the dorito bag falls off the couch, to the floor, he pulls your bra off completely and squeezes your breasts. Though not as sexually advancing as you might have expected, he ups his game, sliding his knee between your legs and kissing your sweet spot on your neck. You are tormented by his relentless teasing but don't give in, messing up his hair a little as your fingers lace through his soft blond tufts. You moan and he growls a little. He pulls your shorts off and tosses them aside rubbing you a little with his nose then pulling off your underwear with his teeth. You prepare yourself as he unbuckles his black skinnies  and pulls then off with ease, tearing off his briefs with them. You pull his shades off after taking off his shirt and bask in the glory  his sunny orange eyes. He looks ashamed of them but you smile, earning a blush on his cheeks in return. He steadied himself at your entrance after slipping on a condom, looking at you concerned. You nod and he relaxes a little pushing into you. He thrusts slowly at firat, building up your juices then finally gliding into you after several thrusts. You enjoy your building orgasm as you feel every soft muscle hugging his member. You tighten a little once he's found your G-spot and after several attempts he develops a method of hitting it every time. You moan put as the pleasure builds and he silently growls every so often. Tensing up you moan louder and call out his name. He smiles and kisses your neck as he goes faster and a little deeper, causing your body to twitch in anticipation. The room melts to nothing as you feel yourself suddenly become soaked, enjoying the smooth ride as he also climaxes. "Oh God..." He moans and calls out your name as he pushes himself deep into you and unloading his magma cream. Panting and out of breath you smile as you hug his naked body to you. After he discards the condom by tossing it expertly at a nearby litter bin, you look to him and lock eyes. "So how about that pizza..." You say casually and he laughs, "on it..." He replies.in his deep Texan twang.

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A/N: okay so guys I'm gonna leave these next ones up to you all. Give me a homestuck character and a vague setting IE a park or camping or such. I will do my best  heed to your sexual needs XD. I made this one a  lighthearted and funny to offer some comic relief to your day. If you want a sadistic  just let me know. If I get no results by Friday I'll do lil' Hal next. I'm thinking vibrator and sex toys for this one. But I make no guarantees. I'm glad y'all are enjoying this. It's my first time doing lemons. I'll try to update every two days or so since I'm currently in the works of my creepypasta book. You can check that out if ya want. If you want  can start on a homestuck story. If you feel like commenting your original homestuck character, I will do my best to add them into the story for the climactic idea I've got going. Again no spoilers. And please.for your occasion, no Mary sue or Gary stu. And by that I mean your troll or human can't be perfect. There is a kanaya page that can help you out with that if need be. Hope you all are enjoying this so far. Have a fun time! XD. ~Poisin Josephine.