The Price of Perfection (editing)

Chapter 10

Yes, yes. I'm a terrible person for not uploading for so long. Deal with it. Haha, I am actually sorry and I'm gonna  try and upload at least 2 times in the next week:)

Oh and btw, the song in this isn't my own, I'm just pretending that Jade wrote it. Just in case u were wondering<3

Oh and plz go and read my bff BVBCat6 books. They r amazing!!! 

Jade

I stood there, silently observing every person to pass me. I realised one thing at least, everyone was going somewhere. I guess I never had a reason to think about it before, but standing here, waiting, I got a new perspective on the matter.

Everyone seemed to have a goal. A destination they had to reach. While for some it was just any shop to pass their way, others rushed ahead, seeming to think where they were going was the most important place in the world. 

I had no idea how they felt.

For me, their had never been a 'safe place' to go to. Home...too depressing. Friend's house... what friends? 

A person came running up to me, interrupting my thoughts. I guess me and Eric were friends now. I mean we more or less saw each other everyday, and well, it wasn't bad.

Letting out a nervous smile, I shook off my hood and was blinded by the sun. 

We walked inside. I was thankful for the shade but a larger part of me was shaking in fear. Or was it just nerves? Either one wasn't promising.

After what seemed like years of waiting, we were called inside. The room was obviously new and smelled faintly of paint. The man in front of me looked nothing like the nervous, persistent man I met before. There was a sense of authority about him now.

Over the past few weeks SilverSun records had been steadily getting a name. More and more artists were signing to them and whereas it was still wasn't even nearly as big as Peter payne's father's company...it had progressed more than anyone suspected it to.

Well it now or never. On second though, I choose never. 

I briefly thought about turning around but knew I had chosen the wrong moment. Standing in front of the man while he greeted you was not the time to run away. Like that wouldn't offend him or anything.

So, gathering my courage I sat down, taking a large sip of the glass of water in front of me. I focused on the drip of water edging down the cup. Looking up I realised he had been talking for about 5 minutes already.

Taking care to listen this time I nodded along to what he was saying, which was what I expected about contracts and what advantages I would have to joining SilverSun records.

After lots of nodding and staring into space I was led into a room with a few instruments and glass separating me from a room with lots of buttons and electronical stuff. Well, they sure like to get straight into it don't they?

They set up a microphone in front of me and before I knew everyone was standing in the room with lots of button while I stoof there not knowing what to do. " Umm, hello? What am I supposed to sing?"

They didn't even glance up and realised they couldn't hear my. I tried to get their attention by waving my hands around and thankfully Eric noticed and told Peter. I repeated my question, feeling colour rise to my cheeks. He finally turned his attention to me and told me to sing any song I wanted. I had expected this so I chose a few songs that were relevant and popular nowadays. 

I sung them, feeling that familiar empty feeling inside of me. I hit every note and sung every word...but there was no feeling behind it. The words were just lyrics and the music was just a beat to follow along to. 

I kept my eyes open the whole time, noticing the frown on Peter's face.

Not a good sign.

After I finished he turned around to talk to some of the people with him again. He had been talking for quite a while so I dragged a chair over and grabbed a guitar, strumming some chords. I had wrote some of my own songs but knew they would never be good enough to use. 

My fingers continued to pluck some notes on the guitar. I saw that the people outside didn't react so I assumed that the microphone was off. I softly sung some of my own lyrics. My voice was rough and uneven, but somehow it felt right.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless

Lost under the surface

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure

Of walking in your shoes. 

Every step that I take is another mistake to you...

I sung every word like I meant it and that's because I did mean it. That was the way I had been feeling for my whole life. I had just been a ghost trying to live up to everyone else's expectations.

I would have continued as well, but looking up I saw 2 very shocked faces looking at me. I tapped the microphone and judging their flinching found out that it had been on this time. Great. Now I was definitely not going to get this. I knew I shouldn't have come in the first place.

I walked out the door, feeling embarrassed by their staring. I mean, I knew I wasn't exactly a good singer without practice but judging their reaction it was as if I had been screaming Rebecca Black down the mic.

"Look, I know it's not great so I'll save you the trouble and show myself out." I kept walking and I couldn't pretend I wasn't a bit hurt. I had definitely expected a better outcome. 

I hand grabbed my shoulder and I turned around to see Peter Payne standing there looking a bit flustered. I had a case of deja-vu and remembered the night I first met him. 

"That was...that was amazing. I admit, after you're first performance I wasn't going to give you a deal. But that song you sung. It was like you felt every word and that made everyone else feel it too."

I held my breath, waiting for what was obviously a rejection to come, but I couldn't stop myself from keeping hope.

"Look, you can understand that I really do want you as a part of SilverSun records, but...I'm only going to give you the place if you sing the way you did on your own song."

I simply stared at him. I knew I should take up the offer but I didn't know if I was ready to have my own songs brought out to the world. I didn't know if I was ready to have my life brought out for the world to see.