Submissive Desires

Eleven

I took off the robe, folded it, and put it under my knees. My laptop was on a low table in front of me, and Sy's Bluetooth earpiece was perched shyly, hiding in my hair. The earpiece smelled faintly of perfume; Sy apparently wore some for her online dates with Andrei. I thought that was interesting since it could only be for her benefit, not his. If I dared try to psychoanalyze – and that was her major, not mine – it either meant she was desperate to cover over any flaw, even ones he could not possibly know about; or she was so immersed in his presence that she could make believe he was actually there.

I doubted it would be that immersive an experience for me. I'd felt his hands and mouth and it had been overwhelming. Now he'd have only his eyes and voice. Not that I really thought that would make him more manageable, but I might stay a little saner.

I looked down at myself, naked and kneeling for a guy who wasn't going to be online for ten more minutes. Sane. I'd known what that meant, once. Ages ago, like last week.

In the romances I liked to read, the hapless but sexy heroine was fond of wailing "I don't know how this happened to me!" I couldn't claim that. I could recall every moment, vividly, starting from finding Sy drunk, to the current moment. There had been forks in the path and each and every time I'd chosen the way that led deeper into the woods. Where the Big Bad Wolf lived. I'd turned off my brain and walked to his hotel room, for fuck's sake. Literally. I'd asked for this, not even knowing him. In how many ways had I been secretly longing for this, so secretly that I hadn't even told myself?

I'd written Stefan and made him horny. I was guessing that that was not exactly hard with him, but the fact is that I'd done it very deliberately. I was not being hit over the head and dragged off to the Cave of Sex. I was a willing dance partner.

Willing and eager. I was what my mom had begged me never to be. Sorry, mom. When the wolf howls and the moon rises, the rules change, I guess.

I slid my hands lightly over my thighs. The hot shower followed by the cream left me very soft. That was Sy's fault. She knew I'd be made to touch myself and she'd arranged it so the skin I touched would be pleasant. It was impossible not to think about his hands touching me, and suddenly I was back at the moment when Andrei had touched me using Sy's hands. Now I understood why that had not seemed unusual to Sy. Stefan was going to touch me with my own hands.

I stroked my stomach, thighs, and then, very gently, the base of my breasts. My eyes closed, slowly, on their own. I was an offering, a thing given. If I'd been sitting on the chair behind me it would have been different, but I was kneeling. I brushed my fingertips over my nipples, because I wanted them hard when he saw me. I used to be embarrassed to be seen with hard nipples. That was gone.

I pinched them gently and the heat swept through me. Soften your skin, pretty your lips, and kneel to a man and arousal claimed you, hard. Addictive, Sy had called it. She should have warned me. Brownies were addictive. This was more like I'd imagined being possessed was like. Stefan was a demon and he had me now, and he'd released a demon of my own I'd kept hidden inside me. She was licking her lips and opening her legs. Except they were my lips and legs. My inner demon was a total tramp.

My hand slid quickly between my legs, and I stroked. By the time Stefan got here I'd be aching for his cock. And all I'd get was his hands, kind of. Skype was the worst idea in the world, it just made you need physical presence more. I'd beg him to visit me again. I'd plead...

I took a deep breath. No. I wouldn't do that. There had to be something of Clarissa left somewhere, and she would never beg. I would... ask, nicely. Yes. Come to tea, dear Stefan.

And that triggered a fantasy of Stefan and I as Victorian gentleman and lady, and him suddenly throwing me over a footstool and taking me from behind, tearing my finery off and leaving me shaking and naked... I dragged my hands away from my clit before I started fingering myself, helplessly.