Submissive Desires

Twelve

I stumbled out of my room. "Sy...."

She looked up. "You did a good job being quiet."

"I didn't g-get to come. And I want to. I'm going crazy."

"Don't. I'm sure he told you not to."

"I can't think straight!"

"I hate to say it," she said. "But men like us better when we don't think too much. And that is something I don't forgive them for. Come and sit and talk. Other than little sexual torments, how did it go?"

"Little? Sy I'm not used to, um, stopping. I can barely hear you over my body's screaming."

"I'm familiar with the condition. No Andrei, no orgasm – but guys look at me all the time and it has an effect. Some nights I put gloves on because it makes it harder to masturbate. But...?"

I sat, shivering. "Stefan says I'm his submissive."

She paused. "Oh. Are you?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Yes. This is the one thing you absolutely always have a choice about. You are his exactly as long as you want to be. The moment you don't want to be, it's over. He can take away every other choice, but never that one."

"I did agree to it. You don't seem pleased by my choice."

She paused again. "I wanted you to understand my life. I didn't exactly expect you to end up living it. And it happened very fast."

"I'm completely ignorant, you know? How long is it supposed to take? Are there submissive's guides? Like rules for dating? No sexual submission until the third date?"

She snorted. "The internet is full of advice. Read it, but ignore most of it. I think a lot of it is written by men who are trying to make women be a certain way. 'Hi, I'm Julie and I gave myself to my Master the day I met him because he's so awesome.' I bet his name wasn't Julie. Bah. Submission takes time, because it takes trust."

"I... to be honest I feel a little crazy. There's a little voice in my head whispering 'Who is he? I don't know him. I don't trust him.' And it's drowned out by the voice yelling 'Wheeeeee!'"

She sighed. "Permission to speak freely?"

"Please do. You are the only person I know who I can possibly talk to about this."

She nodded. "Welcome to my world. It drives me insane when people ask how things are going with Andrei. I keep having to smile and carefully not explain that it's wonderful how much peace I feel when I'm utterly prone in his presence and whispering 'take me' over and over. Because what a lot of girls are really asking is 'Does he give you nice things?'"

"I think you're selling our gender short this time. You're beautiful, you know, way above most girls here. They wonder what it is like to be you, and that's really what they are asking. But you wanted to speak freely, so...?"

"So. Too much, too fast, Classy. I think that's you right now. I was raised in a culture where submission to men is more or less assumed. As a result, women develop instincts you don't have. You're running blind."

"Is Stefan bad?"

"Probably not. Andrei is choosy about his friends. But Stefan is a bit gypsy. He will assume your obedience and find it natural that you have yielded quickly. He will go very fast. As an analogy, you have strapped on skis for the very first time, and pushed off down the hill. You are unfortunately on the expert trail and you should be on the novice hill. It would take a very, very good and strong man to get you down that trail in one piece. I don't know if that describes Stefan."