Submissive Desires

Twenty Two

Andrei got back to the apartment fifteen minutes later, and I knew Stefan had texted him. Sy stayed in her room, and after two minutes with Stefan, I heard Andrei go to her.

My fury was spent and now I was ashamed of myself. If Andrei hadn't come home just then I'd have gone to Sy to apologize, but I'd waited too long.

Stefan stood outside my door. "Get out here," he said through it. "We need a discussion, now."

Ok, my fury was mostly spent. But I didn't say anything stupid, and I got off the bed and went to the living room.

Sy was sitting on the couch, with red eyes. She didn't look at me. My anger evaporated, and I felt like shit. I was going into social work and the consumers of those services often had all sorts of issues, including mental health issues. Had I really made fun of a phobia? I sat, since Sy wasn't kneeling and no one had asked me to.

Stefan walked over behind my chair. "My girl behaved very badly," he said. "This is shameful to me."

Sy cleared her throat, and spoke, still a little thickly from the crying. "She's not wrong, though. I have a problem and it's serious enough that I need help with it. I've been mostly able to keep it hidden but I can't anymore. I know it's stupid."

My turn. "Sy... I'm so ashamed. That was so horrible of me. Please forgive me."

She nodded. "I do. And, I... understand, Clarissa. You have reasons for hating me beyond a ruined waffle maker."

"The waffle maker is fine," I said. "And it's the least of the topics. I don't hate you. I do resent some things. I feel like you're an impossible standard that I can't reach and shouldn't even be expected to reach. I'm not you."

"No one asked you to be her," Stefan said.

"Yes you have. You all have. Not her exactly, but submissive like her, sweet like her. It comes to her so naturally, everything does – grace, beauty, pleasing men. None of it is natural to me."

"Sy is sweet because she's been trained to be," Andrei said. "And I don't mean trained like an animal, spanked and whipped. She's been loved into it, slowly and steadily. She was born beautiful and I don't take any credit for that. But the rest she worked for... and sometimes was pushed into. And yes, sometimes spanked into. How many times have I spanked you, sweet Syeria."

"One hundred and seventeen," she said. "Not counting affectionate slaps when I tease you."

"You make her count them?" Stefan said to Andrei. "That's inspired. I had never thought of it."

"So," Stefan said. "Things have come to a kind of head. I've pushed Clarissa hard and finally she has snapped. I wondered when she would. If she'd only snapped at me I could have easily dealt with it. But taking it out on Sy makes it a matter for all of us."

"I didn't mean to," I said. "It was just... breakfast ruined, it got to me."

"You know our ways now," Andrei said to me. "You know how we feel about honesty, no matter how much it stings. Washing a wound with alcohol is better than letting it fester, washing a soul with truth is better than letting it rot. It's a gypsy saying, Sy tells me, and it is a good one."

"It's so odd," I said. "I thought gypsies were known for lies."

"We are. But not to each other," Stefan said.

"So now we are going to be truthful to the point of pain," Andrei continued. "And you, Clarissa, will learn this. It was not only a ruined breakfast that got to you. You're jealous and horrified of Sy's ability to accept men as they are and give them what they want."