The days in which they spent time together after school slowly rolled into a week...which trickled effortlessly into two weeks, moving their way straight into three weeks. Three weeks of Ranboo being able to meet with the brunette after school, the two of them oftentimes sitting up in the library, propped up against each other and just breathing in contently. That seemed to be the way Tubbo liked it most, the blonde had noticed...having an arm around his shoulder, holding him gently, and someone's chin resting in his loose curls. That was how Ranboo liked it, too...being able to hold him like that and feel the brunette's hair tickling lightly against his neck. He enjoyed the feeling of Tubbo's hand wrapped loosely around his fingers...the brunette's hands were just so small compared to his, something that the blonde simply found adorable, and he would remind him of it occasionally. Above all, however, Ranboo enjoyed the feeling of fluttering in his stomach every time Tubbo sat next to him...he enjoyed the way his heart would fumble in his chest and his mouth would go dry.
He enjoyed the way the brunette would rest the back of his head in his lap, Ranboo holding a book and reading it to him, something that the two had recently started doing. Once school was over over, they would venture up to the library, falling back onto the couches and making small talk about their day. The small talk would drift into beautiful, perfect silence as they simply held each other, Tubbo occasionally giggling. Whenever the blonde questioned why he was so giddy the brunette would respond by explaining how happy he was...how happy he was to be leaned against Ranboo like this, and how just his presence was enough to make him smile. That was something Ranboo appreciated greatly...the praise that he would receive from the other boy. Whether it be something as simple as how fluffy his hair looked, or what he was wearing, or how soft his voice was as he flipped through the chapters of The Catcher in the Rye.
Tubbo would close his eyes as his head rested comfortably in the taller boy's lap, his hands resting folded on his stomach as he listened to the sound of the other practically whispering the words to a book that the brunette had picked out. Often times, he would grow bored of the book by the following day, and would end up picking out a completely different one. By the second week, however, Tubbo had decided to stick with The Catcher in the Rye, because he thought that the main character had a funny way of going about things. Ranboo read whatever the brunette wanted him to...he just felt lucky that he finally had someone who wanted to be this close to him. Someone who was comfortable resting their head in his lap, or leaning on his shoulder, or resting a hand on his chest as they curled up beside him. It was a wonderful feeling...Tubbo did wonderful things to him. It was the elephant in the room, of course, that the two liked each other in more than a platonic way. Only admitting it once before, the two had never repeated it again.
Ranboo wished he could, though. He wished that he could whisper it between the pages...he wished he could murmur it into those chestnut curls, like a promise.
"I like you very much, Tubbo."
That's what he always wanted to say...all he wanted to say and more.
"I like you very much...and you make me very happy just being here...but I wish that you would like me outside of the library. It feels like we live in two different worlds...this world, where you're comfortable curling up beside me, and where you want nothing more than for me to sing to you...and the other world, where the thought of stopping by my locker to even talk to me is almost too much for you, and you won't even tell me why. You won't tell me why you won't talk to me, as if I'm expected to just know...as if I'm expected to understand. I want you to like me in both worlds...I don't want there to even be two different worlds. I want to be comfortable telling you how I feel about you..."
All of those thoughts remained unsaid, floating silently in the back of his mind, refloating to the surface when he entered the other world. The world where he would watch Tubbo pass him by in the halls. The brunette would smile at him thoughtfully, and he could see that glimmering kindness in his eyes...but he would never say anything. It was almost as if he couldn't say anything, the way that Tubbo did it so frequently. The way Ranboo's shy waves from across the cafeteria would sometimes be ignored, and the way he tensed up whenever the blonde approached him in public...as if he carried some disease that Tubbo would catch if he were too close. And everyone looked at him, constantly. That was the worst part. They would gaze upon him with the same disdain as before, to the point where Ranboo would once again feel like he didn't even have anyone to begin with...as if the brunette didn't exist anymore, because that was what it truly felt like. When Ranboo was being laughed at or joked about, he truly felt as if there was no one else there for him. And it hurt. Badly.
