Tubbo sat alone in the library.
He honestly couldn't bring himself to do anything else after school. Doing anything besides hanging out in the library just seemed...odd. After all, ever since he had met Ranboo, that was what he had been doing every day after school. Persuading his mother to let him stay for 'research', or for 'visiting a teacher'. Promising her that he was using his time wisely, that he was completing homework and assignments like a good student. Swearing that he wasn't using it to talk with Tommy. After all, that hadn't exactly been a lie.
Even after Ranboo, though...Tubbo remained in the library. Going home at a time he had once considered normal was now odd, and he would instead sit on the empty couch by the window...his eyes gazing across the library as the memories unfolded like pages of a book. This was where he spent most of his time with Ranboo...laughing, giggling, eyeing each other lovingly every other second. Gently holding each other's hand as they just sat beside each other, breathing peacefully and enjoying the content silence that filled the room. It was never awkward or uncomfortable...the brunette supposed that's how he knew he had found someone perfect. When he could sit alone in a room with them, in complete silence, and yet feel as if he was walking on clouds....as if he was the happiest person in the world. That's always what he felt like whenever he was around his ex-boyfriend: the happiest person in the world.
He knew that spending time in the library wouldn't do him any good...it would only remind him of everything he had once had; everything he had lost. Yet he did it anyway. Despite seeing pure memories almost everywhere he glanced, Tubbo continued to venture up to the library after the end of every day, claiming the couch near the window so that no one else could sit on it. The cushion beside him had remained empty, however, which was something he just couldn't get over: how cold the library felt without Ranboo beside him. The room had once been filled with happiness and warmth...and now the boy felt as if chills were running down his arms and up his spine every time he sat there alone. That was the guilt, he assumed. The guilt of knowing what he had done and being unable to fix it. God, the worst part of it all was the fact that he had been given a chance. It wouldn't have taken much for him to tell his friends about his relationship unprompted...a few simple sentences, that was all.
It wouldn't have taken much for Tubbo to stop keeping Ranboo some secret...if anything, it would have been easier. But he hadn't. Despite how simple it all was, he had forced his former boyfriend into the shadows...and now he was paying the price for the pain the blonde must have endured.
The activities that Tubbo spent doing in the library were much different from what he used to do. Flipping through novels absent-mindedly and watching episodes of The Crown were distant memories, fading out of existence but only remaining just enough to haunt the boy every time he thought of Ranboo. It was so strange to think that only a matter of days ago, the two of them had been sitting on the couch, perfectly content with practically everything. Tubbo had rested his head gently against the blonde's shoulder...his heart had filled with warmth and his body had relaxed against his boyfriend's, feeling as if he could fall asleep right there if he had wanted to...and Ranboo would have allowed him, of course, the other never complained as long as the brunette was happy. Only a matter of days ago.
Now, however, his time was spent sobbing into his hands, his elbows propped up on his knees and his face buried in his palms. The brunette would keep is composure for as long as everyone else was there, students and librarians included, wiping away any tear that dared to pool in his eyes. Once they were gone, however, it was as if there was a switch inside of him that just switched off, all control he had managed to hold an hour ago slipping away. Tubbo would crumple into himself, his shoulders shuddering as he cried. The boy would imagine Ranboo's arms wrapped around him, comforting him while he sobbed...and that would only make him wail harder, until he was out of breath. Until he was coughing, choking on salty tears...and then he would cry some more. Tubbo would find himself crying until no sound came out...just his body trembling and tears pooling from his eyes as he wrapped his arms around himself tighter, as if that would make the pain go away.
