Gates of Hell

Chapter 5 - Serenno

It could be minutes. It could be hours. Vader doesn't move or relinquish his grip on -- on Anakin as he cries. He can only imagine how disturbing it was for him to learn the full extent of the damage Vader suffered on Mustafar, and the younger's pain is only being amplified by his own. He can't cry anymore, and even if he could, he thinks he's too numb for that. This is a truth he's lived with every second of his life since his old master abandoned him to die a slow and painful death. He's become accustomed to it.

Still, it is... comforting to know that neither of them will be alone anymore. If one of them is struggling, the other will be there to offer a helping hand. If both of them are being dragged down by their internal conflicts, well, at least they'll do that together as well. It is an... odd concept, one to which Vader is not accustomed to entertaining. As far as he can remember, he's always been alone in one way or another. On Tatooine, he was the only one who could protect his mother. With the Jedi, he was something of an outcast, accepted for his power and usefulness, but never really fitting in. Even under the Empire, he never really belonged. He was the Emperor's attack dog, and his confinement to his life-support suit has guaranteed that he would forever be separated from those around him.

Anakin shifts pulling back slightly and swiping the tears from his face. He doesn't feel embarrassed by his breakdown, only resigned to the future and whatever it might hold for both of them. Vader's right hand twitches as he fights off his own awkwardness. It's been -- it's only been seven years since he's last interacted with another human beyond on the battlefield or on Star Destroyers or servants. How can he have forgotten so much of how to act? It never used to be this way. He was always very attuned to the emotions of others, intuitively understanding what they wanted or needed without them ever having to ask.

After a pause, he rests his gloved prosthetic on Anakin's shoulder, silently letting the younger feel his unwavering support. Emotions are messy and confusions... and frustrating. He hates them with a vengeance sometimes, and he hates himself for still retaining the same capacity to feel despite everything. Isn't there a saying about experience and trauma hardening a person? Is it true for him? To an extent, yes, but sometimes, like right now, Vader feels more as if he's gotten used to hiding how much he feels rather than actually becoming inured to the pain and suffering of others... and himself.

But on the other hand, perhaps half of what he's now feeling -- especially the intensity -- is from Anakin. Force, this is so confusing. Even if Vader wanted to block of their bond, he doesn't have the strength to do so. It's too strong, too overwhelming. And more than that, he wants it too much, needs to feel the brilliant light of the presence next to him. He could lose himself in the Dark Side now, give himself over to it entirely, but he could do so with the knowledge that he could bring himself back, because Anakin is his anchor.

The beeping of an alarm brings both of them back to the present, and Anakin turns towards the control panel. "We're here," he declares, slipping into the pilot's seat and flipping the lever to bring them out of hyperspace.

The shuttle jolts, vibrating beneath Vader's boots as he seats himself next to Anakin. The change that has come over the younger is startling, and it's jarring to see from an outsider's perspective just how much the war changed him. There's no trace of emotionalness on Anakin's face, aside from the few telltale signs of his breakdown. His mind has completely sealed off all emotions, muting them to the point where he's focusing single-mindedly on the goal in front of them. Vader is the same way -- of course, he is -- but that doesn't make it any less disconcerting to see this... child acting in the same manner.

Anakin is only twenty-one, a mere nine years younger than Vader himself now is, but the age difference is still enough for Vader to regard his counterpart as... No. He dares not put a label to what they are to one another, because realizing that he has this weakness, that he can be hurt again will be his undoing. So, he lets it go, slamming all of his emotions aside in favor of focusing on the mission ahead. He reaches for his hate, the feelings in stark contrast to the unwavering love he feels for Anakin, letting it -- and the Dark Side -- flood him, filling him with power. He pulls it in close, letting the thrill of the coming duel fill him. This is who he is, and he won't be ashamed of it.