Gates of Hell

Chapter 21 - Inner Demons

Author's Note: Enjoy the snuggles and fluff! :D And yes, platonic touching is a thing, just so no one gets confused. ^-^ xD

~ Amina Gila

Anakin pulls off his outer – and inner – tunics, stripping from the waist up before sitting on the bed in the medical room that is Vader's now, back against the headrest, and spreading his legs, waiting for Vader to carefully lower himself onto the bed, before he slides backwards. Even though they've been doing this for two weeks, Vader always seems so painfully uncertain about it. Anakin, not so much.

He doesn't hesitate for a moment, leaning forwards, and pulling Vader against his chest, careful as always when touching Vader's skin, and winding his arms around Vader's waist from behind, maximizing the skin-to-skin contact as much as possible. He rests his chin on Vader's shoulder, and slowly blows out a breath, relaxing backwards and holding Vader against him, gently, yet firmly.

It's become something of a ritual for them.

Every day, once Vader's work is done, or at least as done as it can be for the night, they go to Anakin's flagship which has since landed on the surface, and Vader removes his suit. After snuggling for an hour, Anakin prods Vader into the bacta tank where he remains for five or so hours before coming out.

It's a compromise. While it isn't nearly long enough to heal Vader properly, it's enough to let Vader's body heal from the abuse it suffered during the day.

"One of these days," Anakin hums quietly, "You will need to let Kix do what he's wanting to do, especially if those surgeries will be performed." Two days ago, Nala Se sent them a report detailing what she would recommend given the severity of Vader's condition. There are many, many pros and cons, but regardless of what they do, Vader will be dependent on machinery for the rest of his life in some shape or form.

"No," Vader says, sounding sulky enough that Anakin nearly smiles, "This is enough."

He isn't entirely wrong, to be fair. The skin-to-skin contact is helping his body heal, and more importantly, Anakin has noticed that it's giving Vader a more peaceful state of mind which is, arguably, equally important.

Anakin lightly rubs the skin on Vader's chest, carefully avoiding the implant in the center of his chest. It never ceases to horrify him how Vader's entire sternum was cut out to make room for the machinery that regulates his heart and lungs. It's awful. He tries not to think about it much though, not when Vader is there, because he can feel it and it usually makes him either irritable, self-conscious, or depressed.

They have tried lying on the bed before, but it's hard on Vader's lungs, so they don't do it often. It is, however, admittedly a little strange for Anakin to have to comfort Vader like this, offering a steady support for him, which reminds him of the support and comfort that Vader showed him at the beginning. It's fitting, and he doesn't mind in the least. He would willingly do this and so much more for Vader if he had to. Besides, it's not as if anyone else in his family is very willing to engage in any type of physical contact whatsoever with him.

He misses it, misses them, and no matter how much he loves Vader, his other self cannot replace Obi-Wan or Ahsoka or Padme.

"What it is that stops you from agreeing?" Anakin queries, unwilling to let his thoughts spiral too much, lest Vader sense it.

Vader tilts his head back on Anakin's shoulder, staring towards the ceiling, the oxygen mask over his face rasping in quiet mimicry of the respirator in his life-support suit. He doesn't answer the question, and Anakin almost wonders if he even plans to when he finally answers, "It is... something I do not deserve." He speaks slowly, haltingly, and it's so painful to hear this kind of uncertainty in his own voice and know that he, too, could have Fallen this far. "I know you do not accept this, but it is penance for my crimes. I have... done much, and you know only a fraction." Vader's hands clench, and Anakin hugs him tighter, stopping the instinctive protests that want to escape. He needs to let Vader finish.