Gates of Hell

Chapter 23 - Crashing

Author's Note: Don't expect me to care that most of this fic feels like mostly plotless bonding time. It kind of is, but it also has a point, and we're inching along very slowly. :D

~ Amina Gila

Vader had done his best to close off his bond with Anakin, blocking out the younger's feelings to grant him some privacy when he speaks with his wife. He will not deny having felt some apprehension about how the conversation would go, but despite his shielding, despite Anakin's shielding, Vader still felt the ebb and flow of his emotions, the way they spiraled downwards.

He's waiting when Anakin gets back; his expression is subdued, and he's clutching a datacard in his hand. "She has some suggestions," Anakin blurts out, not looking at him, putting the item down on the desk with trembling fingers. "For the Empire. For how we... govern. She thinks implementing them would help."

Of course, she does.

Padme has always been such an idealist, and that was the thing that Vader had loved about her most. He can't even count how much time he spent adoringly watching her as she went on and on about some reform or bill and all of the pros and cons. He couldn't contribute much, but he could listen, and she said that it helped her to talk aloud to him.

But those times are long gone, and reminiscing doesn't do him any favors.

"What happened?" Vader asks, stepping up to Anakin's side and touching his shoulder. "Tell me. What did she say to you?"

"She doesn't understand," Anakin replies miserably, scrubbing a hand over his face. "She doesn't understand that we are only trying to bring peace and restore justice and order. She doesn't understand... you."

Vader wraps Anakin in his arms, sharing his pain. There's nothing more that he can do. Anakin returns the embrace desperately, soaking in the offered comfort, and clinging to Vader through the Force. "I expected nothing more from her," Vader admits, though it hurts. "She does not know the truth. She has no reason to trust me."

"She isn't going to know the truth either." Anakin's voice is a curious mixture of misery and defiance. "I won't tell her. I don't want her to know."

Vader can say the same. It was hard enough in the past, to see how his family reacted to him, to what he became. Though Anakin has been so accepting of him, he doesn't have any hopes that anyone else will react likewise. He doesn't know if he ever wants... her to know. It would probably be easier for her to remain in the dark, but that doesn't really solve the growing distance between Anakin and his wife.

He remembers what it used to be like, and it was never anything like this. Before... before, he spent much of his free time on Coruscant with her. There often wasn't much, but it was enough, and they made it work. Now, Anakin hasn't spent any time with her for over two weeks. He hasn't gone to her apartment, and it's obvious that there's tension there. It's to be expected, of course, but it's something that Vader needs to try and fix.

"She is not unreasonable," he offers at last, feeling awkward, and stroking a gentle hand through the younger's curls. "She can be made to see our viewpoint if we give her time."

Anakin makes a quiet, pained noise. "Are you sure?"

"You said we could make amends if we try," he reminds.

"I did, didn't I," Anakin murmurs after a brief pause. "It – we can. I can," he acknowledges grudgingly, "But it feels so far off and unattainable. Impossible."

Vader probes at his emotions through their bond, resignation settling heavily over him. "You are lonely," he states bluntly. He should have expected it, should have realized. Anakin is not like him. He has grown accustomed to being alone, but Anakin is not. He is used to having people. He needs them. Vader remembers those times, distantly, but they hardly seem real to him – they only seem more real when he's touching Anakin and actually remembers.