Gates of Hell

Chapter 18 - Understandings

Ahsoka attends the official briefing after Vader and his retinue have left. Not that there's much to report, but still. Following procedure and protocol is important. Windu is absent, having gone to the Halls of Healing to have a prosthetic fit for his missing hand. Ahsoka might be... neutral regarding him, but she's still horrified that Anakin was the one to cut off the Jedi Master's hand. How could he do that?!

From what Obi-Wan reported, Anakin used Force lightning on him when he was on the verge of killing Vader. She wishes they had. They would be that much closer to ending everything if Vader was dead now, instead of ruling the galaxy as Emperor. And maybe they could have successfully brought Anakin back where he belongs.

She both does and doesn't regret fighting Anakin at the Citadel. Seeing him there as a Sith, with a red lightsaber, it affected her deeply, far more than she wants to let on, even to herself. It's wrong. Anakin wasn't supposed to Fall. He was supposed to be the hero, the Chosen One, the one everyone could rely on when times get rough. And she misses him. She misses his cheerfulness, his attitude, his energy, his determination, his faith, his everything. He was the only one who could lift her spirits when everything seemed impossible and hopeless.

If Anakin was here, helping them instead of supporting Vader, he would probably make a stupid joke about how they'll kill Vader before he even knows what's hit him, and it would make her feel better, even if she knows it's not that easy. It would lift her spirits, if only for a moment, helping her escape the grim reality that is their world. Obi-Wan isn't like that; he's never been like that. He cares about her, of course, but he's... distant. He's like most Jedi are. He cares, obviously, but not like Anakin. No Jedi is like Anakin.

Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to betray them? And most of all, what has Vader been telling him? Why does he seem to think that Obi-Wan is the enemy? Ahsoka is no stranger to Anakin and Obi-Wan fighting, but it's never been like this before. It's never been so bitter, so cutting. Their worst arguments result in them ignoring each other for some hours before seeming to mutually and silently decide to put the disagreement behind them and move on.

Not this time, though. This time, there will be no moving on, no smoothing things over and acting perfectly normal by the next day.

All because of Vader.

He came, and he took Anakin's loyalty. No one understands how. Not Obi-Wan, and certainly not Ahsoka. Anakin never seemed like the kind of person who would betray them, but he has, and Ahsoka wants answers. She wants to storm into the Senate and scream at the "Emperor" for what he's done. She wants to yell at Anakin and ask how he could do this to her, to all of them. She can't do that though, because – because... well, because Vader's a Sith. He's dangerous. He could hurt her if she challenges him.

(And maybe there's a small part of her that is too scared to hear the answers.)

Her emotions feel jumbled, chaotic. She's feeling so many things that she doesn't even know what she feels anymore. More than anything, she wishes that she had someone who she could talk to. Obi-Wan is busy in a Council meeting, and she doesn't have any other close friends in whom she can confide. Her master would probably tell her to mediate it away or something. Not Anakin though. He always encouraged her to come and talk to him. She would like to... if he wasn't the primary cause of half of her conflict.

So, not him then, obviously, but... the clones? She hasn't talked to any of them since they returned, and she saw Rex and a few others from the 501st shadowing Vader and Anakin when they were on the landing platform. Rex might be willing to talk to her, and he might also be able to give her some sort of insight into why Anakin is acting as he is. She knows that the two are close, and if there's anyone Anakin has talked to, it would be Rex.