A Taste Of Oblivion : The Short Comings Chronicles VOL1

IT'S FINE, WE'RE FINE, I'M FINE : PT1

I told myself I'd never walk Queen street again from the mere fact that it reminded me of you, us, well what we were before we broke up. And I know you no longer live here, you moved a long time ago but I can't shake the feeling that when you left, you left our memories behind. Do you still think about me the way I do about you, cause I know we weren't perfect but I loved you nether-less and it's been a year but that doesn't make it hurt any-less.

They say only fools fall in love and that only idiots commit to the idea of the said thing, we were foolish. Possibly mindless cause all sense was thrown out the window when we came into contact, your soft plush lips molding with mine perfectly, your hands roaming around my body, from my hair to my face, my shoulders, my breasts and my thighs, heavy breathing as we were chest to chest, your small breasts and my big ones pressed together with our tongues fighting for dominance, till that transformed to fighting about a lot of other things too, dishes thrown on the wall and broken picture frames cause we were the same, we really were the same, we didn't know how to trust.

Who knows though, maybe you're happy now, with another girl, who's probably making you doubt if you ever loved me in the first place or if I was just a figure of your imagination. And I know I promised myself I'd never walk this street again but here I am, going to the same coffee shop we met in, and maybe my mind is playing tricks on me cause I can see your silhouette as I open the door, and I -

"Anna?" I whisper to no one in particular as the girl turns around, she wasn't you, I guess I'm really losing it cause you're not here,

"I'm sorry," I say to not-Anna and wish I had said the same to you before you left.

I remember how you'd smile, eye's filled with mischief filling in the blanks in my life, I remember how you'd convince me and in return my clothes would fly, the street lights an arrow leading us anywhere our hearts desired, I know it's foolish, I know it's dumb, relying on the memories we had, used to have, still wish we had because I can't move on. I remember that same booth in the corner, hidden from sight with dim lights that allowed your hands to do as ever they pleased, I'm so terrified to sit there cause this city still screams your name and maybe I like it, maybe I like the familiar sounds that it hurts my ears with remindings of me, of you, of us, of the times shared in your bedroom. I hoped I'd never lose you, in my mind it was a love that would never end, in reality forever was a couple of days cause that night I left thinking you'd follow me and you never did, you left this town before I even knew you were gone and since then I vowed to never walk Queen Street again cause what we had caused a heartbreak that even time would never mend but then here I am. The same coffee shop wishing nothing but to purchase you and maybe find the closure I think, I thought, I knew I needed.

"Can I have a black cup of coffee, two sugars and a raspberry muffin," I whispered meekly not even looking the waiter in the process,

"Lilonke?" a familiar voice spoke.

And in that moment I forgot to breathe, my heart forgot to beat, my mind froze as my head whipped so fast looking at the face that haunted all my dreams and I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't stop myself from touching that beautiful, beautiful face so that I know I'm not dreaming.

I'm used to seeing it in my dreams, in the corridors of my subconscious and even reality as it'd creep in when I'm awake even, taunt me as I'd chase it's fading shadow among the crowd. I'm used to thinking I'm going crazy cause I was always the weak one, I was always the one who was first to cry, I was always the first one to start a fight and I was the first one to walk away, I wish I didn't walk away cause I tried, I really tried but I was too weak to even go back, until it was too late.

"Anna?"

I whisper a little loudly this time, maybe to reassure myself that this isn't a dream, it's not a dream, not even one bit as my shaking hand hits your soft flawless skin and soon realise the roughness it's starting, it makes me sad to realise that you had started to transition, transitioned from leaving me to healing and finally being who you always wanted to be, I'm really the weak one as one tear slides down my cheek and a sad smile dawns my face,

"I'm sorry, I-I-I... I'm sorry," I said stuttering, I was sorry for alot of things, I was sorry for leaving, I was sorry for crying, I was sorry for even ordering black coffee cause I never liked it but you did, I'm sorry that I never said a lot of things I wanted to say out of fear and sheer stupidity.

I quickly retracted my hand and wiped the stray tear, thank God the shop was empty and calmed my beating heart and repeated my order as if nothing had ever happened, one thing we were always good at was pretending we ever fought or disagreed on something, cause I hung on to that.

"I thought you never liked black coffee," nervousness and awkwardness could only be described. I wanted to say it's cause I miss you but I refrained and just smiled,

"I guess we could say I'm trying out new things,"

"Lee..." you sigh and let my name hang in the air as you breathe out pent up nervousness inside,

"I'll be on my break in 10 minutes, mind waiting for me?"

My heart beats, it beats faster and faster till it doesn't beat at all and just leaps landing painfully in my stomach, I didn't prepare any speech, anything at all and all I could do was meekly nod as I was handed my bitter coffee and muffin.