A Taste Of Oblivion : The Short Comings Chronicles VOL1

IT'S FINE, WE'RE FINE, I'M FINE : PT3

Round face, big eyes, full waist, thick thighs, brown skin and beautiful personality, that was Amanda, I'm sure in another time, in another life we could've been friends but I saw her as more of a threat, she and Kendrick had met, through a friend that knew a friend that knew Amanda, and my insecurities and my mind became best friends again. She was it, if I wasn't attracted to Kendrick maybe her cause she had it all, the brains and the smiles and to top it all off a warm harm.

I wasn't always like this. I wasn't always insecure cause I had no real attachments to make me that way but since I meet Kendrick a lot had changed, from one coffee shop in Queen street to shared kisses under the Eiffel Tower, make out sessions under falling streams of water in Fiji to intimacy on the worlds best places, life was good.

It really was but I got in the way, I fucked things up. You know those voices in your head telling you, "Your not good enough," those thoughts that originated from my parents leaving me for work, well that snuck themselves into my relationship and well I listened, the more Kendrick was away the more I wanted them close, I started to be controlling, who they saw, who they interacted with cause in my head if they met new people they'd leave, in my head if they'd laughed at someone else's jokes they'd find mine less funnier cause what if I'd say the same things she said. And we talked about this, we really did, telling me it's all in my head as it was but when you're too deep in love somethings you turn a blind eye on, I should've listened when they said they wanted to explain about Amanda.

Amanda, gosh Amanda was beautiful. Amanda was mixed, her father German and her mother half Chinese and Black, maybe that's why they'd liked her, she had that exoticness, Amanda was even nice to me, nice enough to kiss the only person that mattered, I was supposed to be at home but I walked in. I walked in on her red plum cherry lips on Kendrick's soft lip ones, her skirt an inch higher as she sat on their laps. I walked in on my own heart break as I didn't even give them room to explain I left, left Kendrick and all our memories I left, left beautiful Amanda with them as they called my name but it fell to deaf ears I left, left Queen street and vowed to never come back. Cried till a river replaced my pillow, wet, drowning in self pity as I blocked their calls, their texts, losing all communication and even informing security to not let them in. I was a mess. That was the last straw, first my insecurities then that.

"How are you doing though?" Kendrick asked as we passed by the pet shop with creaks in the wall due to it being old. What was I to say, that I'm fine?

I'm fine even though whenever someone mentions you I wanna cry,

I'm fine even though when our song plays on the radio I just wanna call you but you're no longer there,

I'm fine even though I said I'd never walk this street again but here we are, there was a lot I wanted to say but just like the coward I was I never said anything.

"Remember when we'd count the creaks on the wall, memorising them and even made a song?" I said changing the topic, I was always good at that,

"Yeah, one creak, two creaks never alone, " they said smiling at the silly memory that would soon fade with time,

"Three creaks four, they had babies, a family was born, five creaks seven look there's more, up the wall till it finally falls," we said laughing at ourselves for coming up with such a silly song, but it was what was, were, still would've been ours,

"Remember when we also had to go to Mc Donalds at 2 am on the other side of town cause someone didn't want to cook yet it clearly was their turn," Kendrick said lightly bumping our shoulders again,

"It wasn't my turn you big goat, plus I was lazy and lazy queens don't need to work,"

"Oh really? But this lazy queen also wanted to pass but didn't put in any effort,"

"Well smarts ran in the family, who knows maybe I'd be a lawyer like my parents,"

I said smiling as we looked at each trying to maintain a straight face but Kendrick snorted and we ended up full on laughing,

"You? A lawyer? I'm sure that'd person would have to go to jail willingly, you can't even debate, unless it comes to food,"

"Well then there has to be a food court, so that I can defend a pizza for those who say it's not a real meal,"

"For the last time Lee, Pizza will never be considered a real meal,"

"Yeah it won't unless I defend it in court duh," and they started at me with those brown eyes and I just melted, it was just like old times, just us, joking and goofing around in this same street. It seemed like yesterday when they chased me when I took the last Oreo, it seemed like yesterday when I felt content and happy but it also seemed like yesterday when I left.

"I'm only here for a few weeks, to visit my parents, they- they wanna reconnect I guess, I don't know but mom called," Silence.

"I have to go back to Thailand for my surgery and therapy," I wanted to be selfish and say don't leave but I loved them too much to even speak,

"For what it's worth I didn't kiss Amanda she came on to me, she said she wanted for a long time, you left before I even had a chance to explain," Kendrick said stopping in the middle of the street as I looked up from my feet whispering a constant I'm sorry,

"Can we start over? Please, I miss you Kendrick," I said, my heart filled with hope bouncing on the fall walls of the cage it were in,

"I wish we could Lee, I really do but, I can't, not right now though, I hope you understand," I wanted to say I do but I didn't, I did not, not even one bit want to understand cause I wanted to hold them in my arms and never let them go, I wanted to reset time and go back to when it was just us, but you can never turn back the hands of time, but I'm happy for Kendrick, I'm happy for whatever journey they'll have,

"Can I atleast get a hug before I cry again," I said with a nervous laugh as they wrapped their arms around me as I wished right now was forever, in their arms, no one around us but just the two of us. Maybe one day we'd get back together, maybe one day we'd even adopt kids and have our own picket fence fantasy where we'd be there for our children, maybe one day we'd grow old beside each other and laugh about these times but until then, until so I'll treat this hug as if it's the last one as I hold on tight cause it's fine, we're fine, I'm fine and before they could think I stole a kiss a hide myself in their chest cause it's really fine this time, I'm fine, we're fine, we we will be alright.

Fin