Not so much in love with the badboy (ENGLISH)-✔

59. Suffer

The goddamn man taps on my shoulder and I groan, opening my eyes. "What now?" I snap. "We're done working and leaving. You have to pay us." he tells me and I roll my eyes. "Just send the fucking invoice." I close my eyes again, but wait with relaxing until I hear the door slam.

Finally, silence.

"They're gone." I whisper in her ear and he grip at my shirt tightens a little. Nightmare? I look at her with worry. She never has nightmares. But she doesn't looks troubled. I sigh relieved and give her a kiss on her temple. She smiles and her grip loosens again.

Is this how I am with her?

Is this what I do when I feel like she's not close enough? I feel like it is. Ugh, I'm so sad and pathetic with her around. On the other side, I'm happy and almost lightning up when I'm with her. At home, work or just the mall, I feel like I'm the luckiest man in the world. If she leaves me, none of that stays. She makes me happy.

I feel proud of who I am when I'm with her. I look at things differently. The birds' whistles, or the laugh of a child. It just makes sense when I'm around her. I can look at myself in the mirror. I can look at myself without hating me for what I did to her, or what I did to anybody. What I did to Miss Hamers.

She's like... a star. You hold onto it in the darkest nights, and keep thinking of it in the light of the day. It doesn't disappear, and once you're close to it, it shines just for you.

It feels like that. When I got close to her in the first place, she was my star. I kept her face in my mind when I struggled, knowing there was something to live for. Knowing that even though the dark nights are hard, I got up for her. To see her face, to feel myself falling for her. It was the best feeling, falling for her. Then. Now, the best feeling is knowing she loves me.

I told Nell about it that day. The day I kissed her on the porch, the day I realized I fell for her, hard. The day she told her feelings for me to Nell. The day everything changed. Forever.

Before I kissed her in the office, a month ago, I felt so insecure about her. I knew I just won a Nobel prize, but at that moment, she was the only thing I wanted. She was my prize. My prize for not giving up on her, never stop loving her and always hoping she came back. And she did.

I'm never going to let her go, ever again. Of course, if she has to, I won't hold her because I want her to be happy. But, if she still wants, I'm gonna hold her until the nothingness. And even after that, I'll still hold it.

And I'll kill every man who lays a hand on her. I couldn't kiss Max, yet. I'll find a way. I swear, he dies before the day I'm marrying this woman. My Queen. My everything.

I'm planning on marrying her soon. But, like I said, I have to kill Max first. I just can't find a good way. I want him to scream with pain. No one hurts my Queen. I know I did it too, but I screamed every night for four years, it's okay, I think. At least, that's what she said.

(^^^^^^😏)

Oh, and Mia will suffer too. Maybe I can link them. That's torture for both of them. And I won't have any consequences. That's an idea! But I still kinda wanna torture Max, for real. Seeing him bleed, scream, give up.

He almost made me give up. When I found out they were together, I lost it. I screamed and cried and hit the wall for three days straight. I didn't want to see anybody. I wanted to see Queen, but that wasn't an option.

I want to torture him myself, but I don't think Queen would like that. So I guess I should just link them. They deserve each other in the worst way.

I open my phone and go to the chat with Max. Maybe I should text him...

Me: Hey. Im sorry for last. I have an idea. Why dont u go on a date with someone from work? S.

I smile mischievously and send it. They'll suffer.

I look at Queens face and gasp a little. She's so pale. Should I wake her?

Her arms are clutched over her stomach and she starts moving. Just before I want to wake her, her eyes open.

"Are you okay?" I frown and she shakes her head. Then she slaps her hand for her mouth and runs off to the bathroom. I hear her throwing up from here.

I quickly stand up and run to her. She stopped throwing up and sits next to the toilet. I kneel down next to her and pull her to my lap. Her body is weak.

"Are you okay?" I ask again, but dhe doesn't quite look good. She nods lightly. "Just ate a little too much ice cream." she mumbles and I nod. Sounds like her.

"Let's go to sleep." she says, but as she stands up and walks to the bedroom, she almost collapses. I can just catch her. "Woah, woah. Take it easy." I mutter and pick her up in bridal style.

I drag her to the bedroom and she snuggles to my chest. "You smell nice," she mumbles and I roll my eyes. Just as I lay her down, she gasps and looks at me with big, wide eyes.

"Your surgery.... the plancaas." she says. Is that her worry now? I cup her face in my hands and make her look at me. "Queen, it's tomorrow. His blood wasn't like it had to be, so we couldn't do anything. It's tomorrow, 9 o'clock." I tell her.

I can see her thinking from here. "I'll be back around three a.m.. You have nothing to worry about." I say and she closes her eyes again. Her frown appears as I keep standing here.

"Stan..." she mumbles, reaching for me. "... warm up." I melt for her and lie down, next to her. I pull her onto my chest and she calms down. She falls asleep while I keep whispering nice things about her, reasons I love her.

I hold her, softly rocking back and forth. Yes, tomorrow is the big day, but if she's sick, I'll cancel it. I have to make sure she's okay. And that's not possible when I'm in a surgery of eighteen hours.

Maybe I should change career too. If we get married, babies will follow soon and I don't want her to do everything alone. I want to be there when our child makes his first steps, our his first word.

I look at her sleeping face. She's cute. But I won't say it, because 'that's her line'. She's so unreasonable and I love it.

Watching her, I realize I don't care if the babies come before or after we get married. I actually don't even know if she's okay with babies. We mentioned it before, but back then we were in highschool.