A Mad Woman, Allison.

PROLOGUE

At the place where they usually stayed, also Allison's favorite spot in the university, there was Ryan thinking of something serious. Allison was nowhere to be found. She didn't go to her classes for months. Their last encounter was at the film showing, where they were indeed happy. He had seen his past lover in her; they both loved the color green and it was their favorite color, they're not comfortable going to crowded places especially malls, and they both dreamt of becoming a lawyer someday. There, he had thought, 'is there a possibility that they also are the same person?'

And speaking of his past lover, his phone rang. It was his past lover. He answered the call and said, “Hello?”

“Nothing changed. You were still the jerk I once knew, Jace,” Allison uttered with ample of sarcasticity. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't help but to laugh at herself for letting him fool her again.

“E-Ellaine? Ikaw si Ellaine?” Ryan asked shocked.

It was clearly possible that his past lover, Ellaine, and Allison are the same. He was still in confusion. He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe what he's currently seeing. Ellaine called him, and Allison is holding her phone in front of him. They were the same person. He had loved her at a different situation, but he had loved the same person all this time. 'Was she aware of who I am since then?' he asked himself.

“Don't act as if you knew nothing, Ryan,” she blankly proceeded as if she didn't hear what Ryan said. “You became just like your father.” She sarcastically asserted.

He felt like her last phrase was an insult. There comes her harsh words again that he quitted hearing.

“Ano bang alam mo tungkol sa pamilya ko, Allison? Ano bang alam mo tungkol sa pagkatao ko? Wala halos, wala kang alam kaya huwag na huwag mo akong ikumpara sa tatay ko!” He was also in rage. Allison did hit the spot where he is insecure about, he was offended just by that phrase of hers.

“Yes, I may not know all the things about you, but I know one thing for sure. Nasa dugo at lahi n'yo ang pagiging gago, at hula ko, naipasa lahat sa 'yo dahil napakagago mo, tarantado!” she cursed repeatedly.

“But I didn't mean to hurt you! I never planned that thing. I never wanted that to happen, Alli!” he argued.

“I was fucking eager to scream your name in the world that time on top of my lungs, Ryan!” she had stopped, then continued, “Too bad it irritated you because you never liked so much noise.”

Ryan sighed. “Listen to me, please. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, okay?”

“You never liked noisy woman, but I bet, you liked me when I became a nasty woman. Am I right?” She didn't listen to what he said again. Instead, she resumed saying what she had to tell.

“I was goddamn in love with you, but you didn't even care! You never looked upon my feelings, you never considered it for once! And you are saying in front of my face right now that I should pay attention to your explanation because you said that it was not your intention to hurt me, but you already did! Not for once, nor twice and thrice, but for several times! You have hurt me already, Ryan! What do you want me to think that time, huh? I only met you on the internet, damn it! I couldn't think right. I couldn't think of any other thing. Why did you leave? Is it because I am too young for you? Is it because I was too good for you, and you felt like you didn't deserve it? Is it because I'm too boring for you, that I don't have anything to talk about?” Tears had started falling on her cheeks, and her eyes were watery.

“No,” he immediately responded.

“Then why did you leave?!” Her voice cracked.

“It was an important matter, Allison. The court called us that my father was currently in a serious matter of regulation in the law at that time. He was a drug user, at nahuli siya. His previous wife next to my mother already made a divorce kaya naghiwalay na rin sila. Wala na raw siyang ibang malalapitan bukod kay mama. I know that my mother still loves him, so she worries so much for him. He's such a jerk for doing those sins and making my mother tolerate those sins he has made. Hindi ko naman kayang magalit kay mama. I couldn't hate my own mother,” he glanced at Allison to see if she is listening. When he saw she was listening and waiting for him to continue, he then proceeded with his phrase. “Naghalo-halo na rin 'yong mga problemang ibinibigay sa 'kin, Allison. Sa pamilya, sa academy sa rp, sa studies. Parang pasan-pasan ko 'yung mundo, literal. Even if I wanted to tell you about those things, I just can't. I do not want those things to be a burden to you. I prefer to fix it myself, tapos tsaka ko pa lang sana sasabihin sa 'yo.”

“But then, I realized I made the wrong decision. I lost you. When I came back, you were already mad at me already. Hindi kita makuha pabalik, hindi sapat ang pagsuyo ko sa 'yo.” Disappointment filled his face. He, himself, was also disappoint at what he did.

“You should have tried harder,” Allison uttered. She was very disappointed at what Ryan is saying.

“Ano?" He was confused, but he sounded sarcastic. “Anong gusto mong gawin ko, magmakaawa, gano'n ba?”

“Come on, you know what I mean, Ryan. You should have exerted more effort to win me back if you're really saying the truth that you loved me. All I ever wanted was your effort and love, not your alibis and complaints.”

“You were mad at me so damn much that you almost cursed me to death and wished I wasn't even born!” Ryan insisted.

“I was mad, but I loved you! You knew that. There's no situation I lacked at giving you love and showing you how much I'm in love with you! My only wish every time I got to wish for one thing was for you to treat me right. To love me right. All I ever asked you was for you to do not hurt me. Have you ever did that? No!” she blurted.

They were both at the peak of their emotions.

“Because all you ever did was hurt me, and disappoint me, and make me feel lonely. That every time I look up to the sky, all I can see is gloominess because you weren't by my side. You left, and I no longer feel your presence.” She paused. “Among us two, I guess you are the better liar. Ang bilis mo akong mauto. Ang bilis kong magpaloko sa 'yo. Isang sorry mo lang, ayos na. Tapos ayon, bigla-bigla ka na lang ulit mawawala, babalik kung kailan mo gusto. Tangina, nakakapagod namang maghintay sa 'yo, eh. Nakakapagod maghintay sa wala. Nakakapagod umasa sa wala. Nakakapagod mag-invest ng feelings sa wala. Punyeta!”

Allison stopped for a while.

“Allison, hindi ka naman na mapapagod, nandito ako—”

She cut him off. “Cut the bullshit, Ryan. You came back because you had no choice. You came back because our memories haunted you on everywhere you go. You came back because you already fell before I even fall for you. To tell you honestly, I was never in love with you. I was emotionally attached, yes, but I am aware that I don't catch feelings that fast, especially for a guy like you. Between the two of us, you may be the better liar but I am a better player. And oh, anyway, I already had the answer to my question earlier pala,” she eventually changed the topic going to their first conversation. “You left because you were scared that you might fall in love with me and I might only play with your feelings. Too late I already did.” She grinned.

“I have no intention of fooling nor hurting you, I swear. Please, believe me. Try to understand what I said, Alli,” Ryan pleaded.

“There's no point of hearing your stupid explanations, Ryan. You know I only seek for truth, and now that I know the truth, I can't let myself be fooled by you again.” She turned her back at him. She never imagined that they could be played by Cupid twice. Never in her entire life. Never.

‘Fuck you, Cupid...’ she mumbled at the back of her mind.

———

She had loved him first when she was fifteen,
But he had left her, hurting her feelings.
Destiny has come to making them meet again at the second time around,
But she was already tired and mad—she couldn't play with it anymore.

***

This is not a love story...