A Mad Woman, Allison.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: THE PLAN

I felt numb when Benjamin arrived to drive me home. I was supposed to be the one driving but the only thing I could give him was gestures. I can't even look him in his eyes. The aftershock of that incident between me and Ryan was all over my whole system. I wanted to forget. I just wanted to let it be erased in my memory.

I had an idea. “Wait,” I called Benj. He diverted his gaze at me. “Can we go to the empty warehouse you brought me?” My voice was weak and lifeless.

“Copy, boss.”

He made me feel like I had someone to lean on when he shared the silence with me. We both just viewed the busy streets from across this rooftop. “Benj, can I ask you a question?”

“Nagtatanong ka na, Roe. Pero sige lang. Ano ba 'yon?” he inquired of. “Alam mo namang pwede kang magsabi sa akin ng kahit na ano.”

I know I should not be asking this type of question to him but I couldn't stop wondering. “Have you ever thought of...” I was hesitant. He waited for me to finish. “Of kissing me? Like, sexually? Not some sort of... full of passion. Just desires,” I continued.

He seemed disturbed. “Ha? Paano—bakit mo natanong 'yan?” takang tanong niya. “Sure ka bang ayos ka lang, Roe? Kanina pa parang may mali sa 'yo. Pansin ko 'yon,” he admitted. “What happened earlier, Roe? Care to share?”

There, I burst out the emotions I'd been suppressing since. My tears started flowing like a stream falling down my cheeks. I started breathing heavily again.

Benj was alarmed because of my sudden breakdown, he hugged me tight. “I hate him... I hate him so much...” I repeatedly let out. He was just comforting me. He might think Ryan just did some sort of thing to piss me but God, I hope it's just a thing to annoy me. “He almost raped me when you were gone, Benj... h-he almost raped me that evening,” I cried out loud. I can feel that his hold tightened, providing a sense of protection.

He may be getting it now. On why I suddenly acted that way. On why I was feeling so weak and vulnerable this time in his arms. I didn't notice I fell asleep while crying.

I woke up with us still in the same position as last night, with Benj leaning on my head sleeping. Naalimpungatan siya nang maramdaman akong gumalaw. “Roe, gising ka na pala. Sorry, 'di na kita naiuwi kagabi. Hindi ko kasi alam kung papaano ka iuuwi.” He scratched the back of his head.

“It's alright. Let's go back,” I asserted.

We agreed on separating first before going back to our office. We needed to get ready. But I'm not sure if this is the best decision we could agree on because now I feel so dirty. Flashbacks of his touches flared while I was taking a shower. How his filthy hands touched my bare skin. Even if I bathed myself with soap and water, I could still feel its weight. How could I get myself together when I'll always suffer this way? I think I might need to go to a psychiatrist and learn self-defense. But I'll not stop there.

I'll get Ryan Javier to be put in jail forever. 'Til his last breath. For all the women he has consumed and taken the virginity. For all the girls he raped just because he had the power. He'll pay for all of his wrong-doings.

Once I entered our law office, I did what I originally planned to do. Contacting every person I think is training in self-defense. I told Benjamin to contact every person he knows who is connected with Javier's company. Whether it's an accomplice of him or an accomplice of us.

It's almost lunchtime and I'm still working on my goal. My attention was caught when a woman called me, “Attorney Monroe.” It was Attorney Hernandez, my co-worker and lawyer.