Rain

Grand Piano

Am I queen of fools?
Wrapped up in lies and foolish truths
What do I see in you?
Maybe I'm addicted to all the things you do
'Cause I keep thinking you were the one who came to take claim of this heart
Cold-hearted, shame you'll remain just a frame in the dark - Nicki Minaj Grand Piano

Have you ever felt like a complete disappointment? That's how I feel right now. Just to think of me actually doing something like that makes me sick to my stomach, I can't believe I just did that. Though Tavi assured me it'd be alright, I wasn't completely sure. Now I feel like I can't brake up with him like I planned because I don't want him to show the pictures to anyone.

And if I don't brake up with him, that'll disappoint C.J but I can't control it, and I'm not gonna tell C.J anything, or he might lose all respect for me. I feel as if soon as I get my life together, something messes it up.

"Take a shower, get your mind off of things, take a nap. I'll let you know when the food is ready." Tavi snapped me out of my trance of thought as she rubbed my back in circles.

I was so grateful for Tavi in situations like this, she is such a great sister/friend to me she deserves an award. Weather I'm right or wrong, she's always there for me and tell's it how it is.

"Thanks. I love you." I mumbled staring off in space.

"Love you too." She kissed my cheek and walked back down the hall.

I fell back on my bed and just rested for a few minutes, collecting all of my thoughts. I grabbed everything for my shower and headed to my bathroom that was connected to my room. I turned on the shower water and began stripping out of my clothes as the water got warm. Once I was completely naked, I stepped in the shower and it seemed as if all my problems went away. I just stood in the shower not making any major movement for about 20 minutes before I actually washed up.

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed a pair of red boyshorts that read 'don't peek' in the back and I put my light pink bra from VS Pink. I put on a pair of shorts and a lose fitted cropped shirt. Now that it was just me and Momma (and Tavi) I felt more comfortable to walk around in shorts.

I laid down in my bed and maid myself comfortable and turned to Madea's Big Happy Family which was playing on B.E.T. "I haven't seen this movie in forever." I mumbled out loud to myself.

"Rain the food's done!" Tavi yelled from downstairs. I sighed and got out of my bed, making my way towards the staircase.

"What'd you cook ma?" I tried to act as normal as possible because a mother always know when something's wrong.

"Steak and rice." She said as she fixe our plates.

"My favorite" I fake smiled.

"So what exactly do you have planned for me tomorrow?" Tavi cheered happily

"I said it was a surprise." Mama spoke grinning. She dropped the spoon she had in her hand, when she tried to bend over to get it her stomach was in the way.

"I got it ma" I picked it up and placed it in the sink. "Thanks baby, being pregnant sucks" she fake sobbed.

"I always thought it was pretty cool." Tavi admitted, I nodded my head in agreement.

"I mean having something growing inside of you is pretty cool but I can't go anywhere or have any fun. When you guys are gone all the babies do is kick me. I can't even take a 15 minute nap without being awoken by their movement. It's worth it though." She smiled and placed two hands on her belly.

A faded smile appeared on my face too. "You can't drink while your pregnant right?" Tavi wondered.

"A glass of wine isn't going to harm the baby but I just don't trust myself so I stay away." She handed us our plates and we all headed towards the dinner table.