Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Twenty-Nine

A/N What is one fic you always wish existed but doesn't? Like, you just really want to read _____ but no one has written it yet.

My mother calls after me as I run out of the door.

I'm not really sure what I expected. Not for my father to disown me, anger was expected but not that.

I start crying without even realizing it as I run for Luke's house. Even if my parents are angry at me right now I have him. I'm going to tell him what I couldn't say last night and he'll be mine.

His motorcycle is parked out front and seeing it calms me somehow.

He's walking down the stairs when I enter. He's fully dressed now.

"Luke." I say eagerly.

He looks confused when he sees me. "Didn't you leave this morning?"

I nod quickly, "Yeah but I'm back now and I need to tell you something."

He meets me at the bottom of the stairs and almost looks worried. He opens his mouth to talk but then he changes his mind.

I leave no room for him to speak anyways as I begin "Last night before I came here I was going to have sex with a girl but whenever I closed my eyes I only could see you and when her long hair touched my fingers it didn't feel right, what felt right was you and I and what we did last night even if it was a sin, I've been so scared of myself and my parents and God to see who I am and who I am is someone who wants to be with you."

I'm out of breath when the last words roll of my tongue.

For a moment, sadness spreads across Luke's face. Then, easily, anger. His mad expression laced with an evil smile makes every bad feeling I've ever felt arise.

"You think because I fucked you that we're boyfriend girlfriend now?"

I close my eyes.

"I don't want you. You were a game, the hard to get innocent church boy. I wanted to change that. I did. It's over." He says each word so matter of fact and I feel sick.

"Stop."

He doesn't listen, "You've got me all wrong if you think I care that you caught feelings. So just go back home to mommy and daddy and pray-"

"I can't."

His words stop and his expression fades, "What?"

"They kicked me out because I told them I was gay." Im not even trying to hold back the tears that fall down my cheeks. "I told them for you."

He stares at me for a moment and I try not to make eye contact. He look as if he's hurt and he has no reason to be.

My fathers words overlapping in my mind with the harsh ones Luke has just spit at me and the world is turning so fast but it's feel like each second is lasting hours and nothing is making sense and this is not how it was supposed to happen.

With a shaky voice he says "Leave."

I hang my head and turn, walking out.

The sky is a clear blue and the sun sits perfectly, warming the summer day. The trees are still tall and there are still birds flying between them but somehow there feels like there is less oxygen.

I start walking with no destination. I just walk in the opposite direction of my house, of Luke.

•

I follow a long fence that looks like it lasts for miles. I pay no attention to my surroundings, not util I hear the roar of a motorcycle.

I flinch at the sound but don't turn to the cause of it.

After a couple seconds the bike pasts me and stops a couple feet a head. I instantly recognize it.

"You're pretty far from home." It's been months since I've heard anything but insults from him, to hear words that sound almost concerned is a shock.

I shrug but stop walking.

He throws one leg over the bike and gets off, placing the helmet on a handle bar.

When he approaches me I ask "What are you doing, Michael?"

Instead of answering he pulls a cigarette from his jacket pocket, sticking it in his mouth before lighting it.

I have no energy to tell him of his sin, I'm sure he's aware anyway.

"I ride out here a lot when I need to think. No ones ever on these roads, it's pretty peaceful." He offers me the cigarette, half jokingly. I shake my head.

"Why are you out here?" He raises and eyebrow. I try to study him, wondering why he's talking to me, why he's acting like the old Michael almost.

"Well I'm sort of homeless." I look up at the sky.

"How'd you manage that?" He leans against the fence.

I shake my head, "Told my parents I was gay. Then I went to Luke and confessed my feelings and he shot me down so now I'm here, where ever this is."

He laughs softly. "You're having a shit day, huh?"

I just stare.