Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Fifteen

A/N Before y'all read this chapter let me say 1. That last chapter is kind of bad, I was honestly so tired when I wrote it that when I re read it this afternoon I barely remembered it, which also probably explains how I even had the courage to post it haha. 2. I don't agree with anything said in this chapter, I'm just writing it. These are things I've been told my entire life at the school I attend and so thats where I'm getting it from, but I do not agree. It's not a sin nor is it a choice.

Harry's small fist bangs against my door, acting as an alarm clock. "Ashton, Ashton! It's time for church!"

"Okay." I absentmindedly call back

When I turn over in my bed a piece of paper scratches my face.

I yawn as I grab the paper and sit up right. The smell of someone else radiates off of my pillow.

"Thanks." Is all the paper says.

I throw it away as I pull out my dress shirt for church.

•

Part of me feels guilty as soon as I get out of the car in the church parking lot. All that sins I've done recently replay over and over in my head.

Lying, kissing, allowing Luke to let me feel that way.

I feel as if everyone's staring at me, as if everyone knows what I've done.

"Bad boy." I hear in the distance, a mother scolding her young toddler child and bright blue eyes over ride my memories.

"Ashton, honey, keep up." My mother orders from a few feet in front of me.

We sit near the front, Claire and her parents a couple rows behind us. She glared at me when I walked past her and all I can do is pray she doesn't tell her folks about me.

The pastor takes his place up on the small stage, opening his worn bible and setting it on the podium.

"Today, ladies and gentlemen." His deep voice begins, catching me off guard. "We are going to talk about the abomination that is homosexuality."

I close my eyes.

"As you can see in your bibles Leviticus 20: 13 says 'If a man practices homosexuality both men have committed a detestable act. They must both be put to death, for they are guilty of a capital offense.'"

My mother leans over and whispers "Open your bible, honey."

With shaky hands I turn to Leviticus.

"Now, it clearly states here in the bible that being a homosexual is wrong. Anyone who chooses this lifestyle is choosing a life of sin." Every word cuts through the air and slices at my skin. I know I'm supposed to believe this, I know that this is the truth, but I didn't choose this.

"If you know someone who is choosing this life I encourage you to read them this verse."

The room feels really hot, I know Claire is staring at me. The pastor keeps looking at me as he speaks. Does he know? Does everyone in here know?

"Tell them the truth, show them that Jesus can save them from their wrong doings."

My mother says a soft 'amen' and my breathing gets heavier.

"Save them from an afterlife in hell."

I have to stop. I can not see Luke again. I can't speak to him, I can't look at him, I can't think about him. I need to stop letting him follow me and I need to stop letting him make me sin.

I can't go to hell for some no good faggot.