Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Thirty

"Sorry." He raises one shoulder.

I nod.

"So what are you going to do?" Smoke hovers around him like it's supposed to be there.

I sigh, "What can I do? I can either choose to go home to my parents and tell them I'm not gay but then I couldn't be myself or I could give up my religion just...to be with a boy." I get quiet at those last words.

Michael scoffs and I frown. "That's the stupidest thing I've heard."

"What?" If he's going to yell at me too I'd rather him just leave.

"In the past few months I've stopped going to church, I started dressing different and you assumed I was becoming some kind of Satan worshiper, right?" It isn't a question. I bite my lip.

"Not once did you actually ask me why I was doing any of it. All you did was preach to me about how I need to stop sinning and go back to church. You didn't even ask if I really stopped believing in God. That's why I gave you all those smart ass replies any time we talked." He steps on his cigarette. "I didn't fit this picture of the perfect Christian and I've automatically given up on my religion? Do you see where I'm going with this?"

I shake my head and he sighs impatiently.

"This stupid leather jacket, my motorcycle, that's who I am but worshipping God is also who I am. I didn't choose one or the other. I stopped going to church because there it's either you're perfect or you're going to hell and that isn't realistic."

His words are starting to make sense.

"You don't have to choose between God and being gay, Ashton. You're gay and you can't help it and God made it that way for a reason so embrace the fuck out of it then come home and pray every night. God doesn't expect anyone to be perfect so other people shouldn't expect it either and if your parents do, they need to grow up and maybe learn what a good parent is supposed to do."

For the first time today, my tears are happy. I swallow, "I'm sorry for being so judgmental, okay? I've just been so caught up in being perfect for everyone else I didn't see all of the stupid things I was actually doing."

He smiles a genuine smile and hugs me, catching me by surprise. "It's alright, man."

When he pulls away he leaves a hand on my shoulder and says "Now," he rolls his eyes. "What did Luke say to you? Because if it was anything other than 'I love you' it was a damn lie. That boy doesn't shut up about you."

My breath catches in my throat, "What?"

Michael laughs at how quickly I responded.

"Really, you're the only words ever out of his mouth."

I'm confused, "If I am, why was he so mean to me? Why did he tell me he doesn't want me?"

Michael shrugs, "I don't know, but you aren't going to find out sitting out here either."

Hesitantly I say, "I don't know." Luke obviously said those things for a reason. "Do you think you could drop me off somewhere?"

He immediately hands me his helmet and we ride back towards town.