Undoing Us - KNJ

2 | It's US, right?

I ponder over what Seojoon said as I place my stuff in their designated places in my cubicle and fix myself on my chair. The morning conversation was really heavy for me, leaving me with questions to think about. My mind was filled with all sorts of questions, causing me anxiety.

Should I try it for his sake?

Should I refuse and maybe crumble my partner's happiness? I mean he did say he was not happy with our sex life. I am also not happy, but I don't wish to touch other people. Maybe sometimes I do! 

Is this why he hasn't been touching me?

Is he not attracted to me anymore?

"Good morning beautiful," a familiar voice distracts me from my unpleasant thoughts. Turning my head towards the source, my eyes land on him - smiling, dimples popping in.

My mouth curves up into a half-smile trying to acknowledge his presence, honestly, I don't have the energy to smile back properly.

"What is it?" he asks concern lacing his voice.

Currently, there are only a few people in my life I interact with on a regular basis, Namjoon is one of them. Probably the most sensible one too. Losing most of my friends during the past year, no siblings or close cousins - makes me very cautious about sharing information with those who currently are close to me as I do not wish to lose out on the left ones.

Should I share my concerns with him?

Will he judge me if I express that I am thinking of opening up my marriage?

Inhaling a deep breath, I look at him and smile, "I'll speak with you during lunch" he nods, understanding my tone.

"I'll be in my cabin If you need me" he replies and walks away. Covering my face with my palms, I run my fingertips over my brows, the cold skin of my fingertips brushing over my eyes, calming me down.

I need to focus on work.

Grabbing the manuscript placed on my desk, I start going through it. I'm one of the readers in our publishing house while Namjoon is one of the editors. 

I started working with this company when I turned 22, it was a part-time job at first turned into a full-time one as I completed my degree.

Safe to say I love my job, reading all day long, and getting paid for it.

Fun right? I chuckle as I focus on the script in front of me, highlighting the things that I like and marking the areas I don't, and correcting the flaws as I read through it.

***

Finally, the clock ticks to 1 breaking my concentration. Closing the script, I place it back on the table. I stretch my body, stretching my arms, moving my back - trying to relax my sore muscles as I get up from the chair, something one should do regularly if one is constantly sitting in one place.

Our publishing house lies on the 6th floor of our 15-floor building, other floors are occupied by other firms, lawyers, corporates, IT and we all share one cafeteria on the third floor. 

As I enter the cafeteria, I find Namjoon sitting on one table in the far corner of the room. I smile at him, happy he figured that whatever I have to share is private enough to require a secluded place.

I have known him for a year now. He moved here last year when his girlfriend of six years died battling leukemia. He couldn't stay in his old city anymore, says too many memories for him.

Namjoon is one of those men, who is extremely considerate of others, either listening to their concerns or guiding them. I have also noticed him helping people silently, doing unsaid acts of kindness, like when someone has their hands full of stuff he would automatically get up to open the door or help a blind person cross the road, or if someone spills over stuff, he would definitely help them clean it.