Undoing Us - KNJ

18 | With me or without me

I felt my body covered with a soft warm comforter. Enjoying the soft feeling, I wiggle around my body trying to relish the warmth of it for as long as I can, however, I can feel a stabbing pain in my heart and a massive headache.

With my eyes still closed, I sit up on the bed, trying to rub them softly but I can already feel weird sensation in and around my eyes, a weird heaviness, my eyes feel itchy. 

My heart hurts, my body hurts and I somehow don't recall the reasons behind it. Trying to open my eyes slowly, I stretch out my limbs releasing my sore muscles. 

Why does everything hurt so much?

Opening my eyes, I come across familiar surroundings, definitely not my home and then it hits me.

It's Namjoon's guest bedroom and why I was here. I feel my pain getting worse when the realisation of my crumbling marriage hits me. How my husband fooled me for months and I don't even know if he was cheating on me before Min Young as well. 

Open marriage was an excuse for him to go out with her without me bothering him. The only reason he agreed to my rules was so he could stay with her without any guilt. All those night outs, regular date nights, coworker hangouts and missed out breakfasts, those hickeys hit me like a slap on my face for being too blind in love to see that all the signs of his infidelity were right in front of my eyes.

This marriage was over before it was even started. The reason he would not touch me, stay out for nights only because he was with her, enjoying her company, her body and leaving me home alone craving for his affection.

I let everything slide thinking that he was finally going out, making friends, creating a life outside of me while he was just doing her and I was fool enough to believe him. Never once my trust faltered, never once I questioned him where he was going then why lie to me?

If he would have told me he was unhappy or wanted to explore his relationship with Min Young, he could have said so and like the fool I am, I might have blessed him for that as well.

Such a fool!

But I can't dwell on my life right now, sitting in someone else's bedroom,someone I have been hurting for way too long. Someone who deserves my affection, this devotion.

Shaking my head, I finally get off the bed. As my feet land on the floor, I notice that I am wearing...his clothes.

His clothes??

What the fuck?

I scratch my head as I try to remember how I got into them in the first place, I walk outside the room and see him preparing a breakfast, probably for us. He looks up at me and smiles while I look back him confused, horrified a combination of mixed feelings.

Hope I have not slept with him because that would mean leading him on when I myself don't know what I want.

"We did not sleep together" he speaks softly.

"Huh?"

"You are in my clothes because you were drenched in rain and I did not wanted you to catch cold so" he shrugs and goes back to making breakfast leaving butterflies in my stomach with this small gesture.

I don't care if he saw me naked in that moment. Atleast he was considerate enough not to take advantage and change me out of my wet clothes.

The gesture alone warms my heart.

Namjoon's cooking smells amazing and I hear my stomach growl with hunger and I remember I haven't had anything since yesterday. With everything going on in my life I forgot the basic needs of my body; food.