Undoing Us - KNJ

19| It's done

There's no way I am going to work tomorrow, so I drop a message to my boss, stating that I would like to take off for the rest of the week. God knows how much I need this. A lot has happened in the past three weeks, my life has turned upside down.

Laying down on this unfamiliar hotel bed, I can't stop thinking about the events of the last few weeks. From trying open marriage to developing feelings for another guy, to finding out that my husband has been cheating on me for the last four months.

Too much has happened in 3 weeks!! 

Was I so unaware of my relationships?

Seoojoon who I thought was my soulmate turned out to be a cheating pig, or maybe he evolved over the years. There was a time when we were inseparable, puppy love was what my parents used to call it. 

That phase lasted till our university life was over, I went to the same as his because I only wanted to study literature so I thought I could follow my man.

Our relationship matured during those days; our first term, we stayed up until dawn, talking about anything and everything. In term two we started focussing more on our education, spending a little less time together, but we were still important to each other. 

I guess we matured during term three when I lost my parents. I remember how I used to wake up crying in the middle of the night, dreaming about losing my parents once again and he was there to comfort me during those times. 

He was a considerate man once!

I realized that somewhere along the lines I was too emotionally overwhelmed that I started pushing him away because I wanted to forget the pain of losing my loved ones. I became more serious and more distant and he became more involved with his studies.

By the time our uni was over, we both started focusing on our carrier goals, him chasing his dream job and me chasing mine. We were together sure, but some distance was created between us. 

We got married. 9 years was a long time after all and honestly, the first few months were complete bliss. The major change came when he lost his dream job while I continued to do mine. I guess somewhere he used to resent me to be able to follow my dream while he was sitting at home, waiting for me to come home from work—wallowing in his demons, thinking that he was worthless.

That phase tested our love for each other, I stayed the doting wife doing everything for my love while he started resenting me and distanced himself from me.

I mean that could be an assumption, but now that I see it objectively the signs were there. I realize that maybe that resentment killed our relationship and the moment he got to spread his wings and explore something different, he did.

***

I woke up feeling exhausted. My body was sore from laying in an awkward position. Stretching my limbs, I look around for my phone to check the time but it's turned off.

Great! The battery's dead!

Plugging it into my charger, I plan for my day ahead. But what do I want now?

Divorce that's for sure.

What about everything with Namjoon? 

A lot has happened over the last few days and I need some time to process everything with Namjoon. 

No! don't go there till you don't sort yourself out.

I guess I need a day for pampering myself! I call to the reception to check the spa facilities, I need to release all the toxins out of my body.