The cut that always bleeds //Heesun//

16: Fighting feelings instead of each other

HELLO PRETTIES <3
I'M S O S O R R Y for letting you wait for so so long. I know this chapter isn't even long, but I immediately started another one the second I finished this.
Y'all don't know how much your comments and votes cheer me up.
I read all of them and really take them to heart.
Thank you so much!
I'm glad many people (for me it's really a loooot of people^^) enjoy this fanfiction.
Now have fun reading!
Again, I apologize.
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3rd Person Pov

Sunghoon laughs with a kind tone and strokes Sunoos hair.
"Don't worry. I won't. But if you won't talk to him, I'll change my mind!"
Sunoo lets out a silent scream and walks fastly back into the practice room.
He stares at the ground, acting like his feet are the most interesting thing ever.
"Were they always this big? Or is that small already?"
The nervous boy thinks to himself while Sunghoon follows him and walks past him when he catches up.

Heeseung is still trying to fix the dance with Ta-ki, looking more strict than ever. Even though he's a very kind person, he takes training the most serious.
Sunoo tries to pull himself together and walk over to him but it takes at least five minutes because he's overthinking about every bad thing that could happen.
"I think he's really mad. What if he hates me now? I haven't felt like this before and I'm scared I ruined everything! I miss my Noona so much. This is almost as nerve wrecking as the tests!"
After taking a few deep breaths he's finally able to walk up to Heeseung.
"H-Hyung.. can we talk?..Maybe?"
He doesn't dare to look up into his eyes. His heart is beating very fast and he feels like his heart is burning up inside of him. He had that feeling in positive and negative ways before but this time it's really hard to identify.
Heeseung looks slightly down at him and shrugs his shoulders.
"Okay. Then go ahead."
Heeseung sounds cold while talking even though that wasn't really his purpose.
Since Sunoo gets emotional easily, he feels a bad feeling coming up in his stomach.
He wants to respond confidently but he sounds more soft and guilty than he actually wanted.
"Alone..? Please.."
Sunoo really wants to hit himself in that very moment. He's embarrassed for himself and the way he's not able to solve fights without getting so shy.
Heeseung takes Sunoos wrist and pulls him with him, outside of the practice room again.
Sunoo let's out a little gasp but decides to just follow him. While he gets pulled into the smaller room his mind and thoughts are exploding.
"I walk in and out of that room way too much today. We're here to get our work done. Not to fall in love! But I just can't help it. I didn't want to either. Take a deep breathe, maybe it'll be fine..."

Heeseung pulls Sunoo down to the ground to sit and decides to sit across from him. Heeseung looks at him but the other nervous boy can't stand that, so he continues to stare at nothing. The closer to the ground the better Sunoo is thinking to himself.
Heeseung puts his hood on and uses his knees as shelves for his arms.
"Look at me"
Sunoo looks up slowly and he has a little bit of fear in his eyes.
Heeseung reaches out for Sunoos hand. He's also a little bit nervous, so he's even more glad that Sunoo takes his hand.
"Talk to me. What do you want to say?"
Sunoo plays with his free hand nervously and gulps before he tries to talk.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for not working hard enough."
Heeseung sighs and holds onto Sunoos hand.
"Sunoo, listen to me. I know that you're having a hard time because of your health and many other things but I'm worried about you getting kicked out. This time there's no coming back from ground. And I really want you to debut because I know you're able to do it. I don't want you to waste your talent so I pushed you to your limit. I'm sorry that I made you uncomfortable but I think it was worth it. Please train as hard as possible. I'm not talking to you as a... Whatever we are. I'm talking to you as a Hyung, as someone who really wants to get to debut. And I'll help everyone who's ready to work as hard as needed. This is really serious. I put work over anything else. This is my dream, Sunoo. And yours too. Isn't it?"
Sunoo keeps on nodding as Heeseung is speaking.
When he finishes, Sunoo holds Heeseungs hand even tighter.
"I understand.. I don't wanna be a burden to you. And I don't wanna drop out either but it hurts so much to breath sometimes, in those moments I feel close to giving up but I never ended up doing it.. I'm scared"
Heeseung sees how Sunoo starts tearing up and pulls him closer. He places him on his knees between his legs and hugs him tightly.
Without any sexual intention they stay there for good five minutes.
After a while Heeseung starts whispering into his ear with a calm voice.
"Hey. I know you're trying and I'm thankful for you. This world is so big with so many people on it and still you managed to be the one chosen for this show. You have the potential to make it into the final line up and I'll help you as much as possible. I want you to make it so mad. You cutie, hm."
Sunoo smiles through the tears and claws onto him.
He looks up to Heeseung and keeps eyecontact with him for a second, but his heart is beating way too fast so he breaks it again.

The following minutes are filled with a heavy atmosphere. Both of them feel kinda comfortable around each other but the overwhelming situation is pressing their hearts down. Without any words, their actions are speaking loudly.
Heeseung breathes against Sunoos head while Sunoo tries hard to stop sobbing.
He's so embarrassed.
The most natural thinks are always the ones we're the most ashamed of.

Heeseung understands how hard this moment must be, so he strokes Sunoos back gently and tries to make him feel safe. Safe, Wanted and most importantly he wants him to know he's NOT a burden. Because he's literally a gift to him in that very moment.
Throughout the last few days Heeseung was able to feel things he couldn't feel in a long time.
Feelings he missed feeling.
No, that's not true.
These feelings are new and make him more confused than he ever was.
Making him question his sexuality.
Making him doubt himself.
Making him feel special.

Sunoo calms down a lot more and holds his own head. He tries so hard to concentrate on the important facts. This is about work, about being a Trainee and not about Love.
Love.
What a funny word.
What even is love?
It's not like he knows.
He'd like to find out and he feels like Heeseung is the person to show him.
But what if he's the only one who wants that? What if this is all an misunderstanding?
Sunoo can't get rid of that thoughts and needs to cry even more. But no, he won't let that be. He holds back his tears as hard as he can, he doesn't want to always look like that weak boy.

He lifts his head slowly and looks at Heeseung again.
He locks his lips and gulps. He can feel how his hands start sweating and his heart racing so fast in his chest. The heat that's overtaking him makes him close his mouth that was open already close again.
"Come on! If I won't ask now I'll have to stay up the night again because my thoughts won't let me sleep. Come on! Come on!!
5
4
3
2
1
..."

After he counts down in his head, he still isn't able to bring just one word out of his mouth.
After a long painful silence, he finally makes it.

"What..what are we?"

It's out.
Now all of his question will find an answer.
He takes a deep breath as quiet as possible and waits for the response.

But he never gets one.
He thinks Heeseung is just thinking about it thoroughly, then the other finally speaks up.

"Uh..okay. Let's get back to practice."

Heeseung gets up while saying that and pushes Sunoo safely off of him.
Sunoo feels a heavy pain in his chest and needs to realize what he said.

"I really ruined it all.."