toxic | joonas porko

25. "My heart is a hurricane"

"Unfortunately, only you can answer that question..."

Joel smiled, signaling her to come inside as she dragged the guitar with her. She basically throw herself to the comfortable couch and watched him grab two bottles of beer and make himself comfortable next to her.

"What did he do again?"

She looked at him under her eyebrows while bringing the bottle to her mouth.

"How did you know it was about him?"

"Well, he is pretty much the only reason that makes you appear at my door every time."

She sighed even though she knew Joel was right.

"Damn! I am really toxic."

Valeria mumbled thinking that he would not hear but he did.

"Hey! First of all, I am not complaning about it, okay? And you are not toxic. Where the hell did you get that?"

Joel guessed the answer to his question when she gave him "that exact look".

"I told him that I love him. He told me that whatever it was between us was toxic. God! He should have just said that he does not feel the same way. I can't believe I am saying this but calling someone toxic is worse than not saying "I love you" back when someone tells that they love you..."

He let out a chuckle at how silly she sounds at the moment and also, how he can still listen to her for hours.

"Do you want me to talk with him? He is hurting you... And probably, himself too."

Valeria quickly shook her head no as she was drinking the beer like she wanted to choke on it.

"No! He will think that I am so desperate to be back with him."

He raised his left eyebrow making her turn her gaze to the bottle in her hand.

"Okay, I am... But he does not need to know."

Joel was distracted when he saw the guitar she put next to the couch earlier.

"Oh, you were playing guitar for him?"

She just nodded, thinking what a bad decision it was to go to his place as she was feeling nothing but worse when she left.

"Would you mind playing for me a bit?"

Joel asked her with puppy eyes, hoping that he would get a positive answer. He was really curious to watch her play as he knew she was taking guitar classes from the cotton candy head.

"Sorry, I am not really in the mood. Maybe another time."

He did not say anything even though he was disappointed he did not want to push her. It felt like she would cry if he even puts a finger on her.

"But you can play and sing for me... If you want, of course."

This time it was her turn to look at him with puppy eyes as she knew how passionate he was about singing and his voice was really somehow relaxing to her.

He just smiled as a response, just before he went to grab his own black acoustic guitar that had a lot of stickers on it. He looked lost a little bit as he was thinking what to sing for her and he finally decided on a perfect Blind Channel song.

You should know
I am only happy when it rains
I tell myself it is just a phase
When I am on my own

I know, I can live and die alone
And it's too late to start again
In another life will we meet again?