toxic | joonas porko

12. "The thing he wanted the most"

Joonas and Valeria were both excited for the class on the first day. That was why Valeria stood in front of Finnvox studios for straight 15 minutes before finding the courage to go inside.

Luckily, Joonas was patient enough to really teach her how to play his lovely instrument. Otherwise, they would be sick of it already on the first day because oh god, the girl really had no talent.

As much as she was always pissed off about it, the professional player would make some jokes, grab something to drink and start talking about something else to lighten up the mood in the studio.

Day by day, she started to feel less anxious around him and rather tried to be herself. But that does not mean that she would not get nervous every time he comes closer to show her some skills. He would gently lean in to put his fingers on hers, making sure he also has his other hand on the strings and make her shiver every time his breath hits her neck.

She would usually try not to turn her gaze anywhere else from the guitar she is holding in her hands but sometimes she would just fail. However, none of them was brave enough to close the gap between their faces at those moments.

Valeria thought it would be just another day in the studio when she went inside. She had to admit herself that she missed him because she hasn't seen him for 2 days, exactly after the class on friday. She was excited because she almost knew what would greet her the moment she would step inside. But her thoughts proved her wrong when she didn't see Joonas smiling and coming to hug her the moment he notices her as always. Instead she found him sitting on the couch looking at her with dull eyes.

"Hey!"

She immediately came up to him when she noticed even the way he said "hey" was not okay.

"Hey! Are you okay?"

"No, actually... I am not feeling well today. Sorry, I had to tell you before you came all the way here..."

She couldn't help herself but put her hand on his cheek as a reflex to see if he had a fever, but the heat hit her own cheeks the second Joonas almost bury his cheek inside her hand.

She swallowed loud enough and removed her hand leaving him in need of her touch.

"I... Should I leave you alone?"

"No! Please, stay."

Valeria knew she had no choice but stay with him at that moment. But she also knew that shd did not want to. She wanted to escape because to see him this hurt was killing her inside.

She slowly put her backpack down on the floor and sit next to her teacher. She smiled to herself when she thought about all the times she would call him "her teacher" and get pissed off after Joonas would make some dirty jokes about the teacher&student situation.

"Do you mind telling me what is bothering you?"

Joonas sighed while still looking at the beer he was holding in his hand which he was peeling off the label previously.

"Let's say... I did not get much sleep in these 2 days...It is like my mind does everything to keep my awake..."

He slowly lowered his body on the couch to put his head on her chest, scared about her reaction but relaxed the moment she started to play with his messy curls.

She thought that she was lucky enough he could not see her face at the moment.

"A problem with the band or your music?"

"No."

Joonas almost whispered because he felt so calm under her gentle touches it made him feel weird. Usually he hates when someone else touches his hair because it hurts having fingers around his tangled hair but that was definitely not the case when she did that.