Lies and Empty Promises

alright

A/N: words: 1563. yall i am so sorry for these horrible updates i am just a very lazy person my bad. anyway, enjoy!

Sam had a nightmare. He couldn't shake it. It wasn't as bad as the one from a few days ago, definitely not. But still, not pleasant. Sam felt so- so trapped in something. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. When he took a break, when he just stopped, his thoughts started racing a million miles per minute and then Sam- then Sam gets dizzy. He lies down, he breathes deeply, he calms himself down. He knows what to do, he's known what to do since he can remember.

Well, he knows what to do when he has a nightmare. But in general? Very different story. He has felt so lost, and he doesn't actually know what to do. He doesn't know who to go to. Sarah's under too much stress already, Bucky's well, Bucky. Sam doesn't have a shoulder, a rock anymore. Well, maybe he does.

Because as his eyes fall to the picture of him, Nat, and Steve on his bedside table, he knows where to go, just for today.

~~~~~~~~

"I'm gonna be outta town for a few days." he told Sarah as he entered the kitchen, she was doing the dishes from breakfast. He failed to mention the plane ticket and small backpack already loaded in his truck. "Where?"

"Ohio." Sam answered casually, and saw Sarah make a questioning face. "What the hell are you doing there?" she asked quizzically. "See a friend." he said with a smile. Sarah nodded slowly. "Alright, but I need your help at the restaurant in a few days." she said with a teasing smile. Sam nodded, a grin spreading over his face. "Yes ma'am."

"Oh my god. Don't start with that." Sarah said sternly. Sam chuckled and made his way out the door.

~~~~~~~~

The plane ride there was practically a blur, Sam thought he might've slept for most of it, and the rest was probably stressing and overthinking, which was nothing new.

He took a few taxis over to the cemetery, the chill of winter biting at his skin as he walked in the dirt path. The air was cold, and the streets were empty. It was nice, Sam got to be alone with his thoughts. Alone with the cold breeze that made him shudder.

It didn't take long for him to reach Nat, and he noticed most things resting against the cement had faded or rusted, but the locket he had put there was looked like what it did the day he left it. Slowly, Sam knelt down, the leaves crunching and cracking beneath him.

"Hey Nat." Sam began, and took a deep breath. "So- god how do I even start? I have a lot on my plate right now. Like a lot. I'm giving up the shield. I just- I couldn't. You know why. I know you'd get it. Steve really couldn't fathom that giving a Black man the mantle of Captain America probably wasn't the best idea. I guess he wouldn't understand."

"The person who I needed to know why doesn't. Bucky doesn't understand- which is fine- I guess. He just didn't let me make a decision that wasn't taking up the mantle. He didn't even try to get it, he just went on and on about how Steve left me the shield and how I am Captain America. God, Nat, I'm pissed at him. I'm beyond pissed. But I just can't- I can't stop worrying. I just- I know he can go into the deep end and then never reach the surface. I watched it happen. I just need to know his heads still above water. I know what you'd say to me right now."

Sam can practically hear her voice, as if she could respond. You still care though. Nothing will stop you from caring for that man. It's one of your few flaws. You lied to Steve goddamn Rogers and the government just to protect him, for god's sake. What he did was horrible, and stupid, and you should be mad. But you still worry. It's in your heart. Sam does still care, he put everything on the line for this guy, who he thought he might, in a perfect world, spend the rest of his life with. That's why it hurt. He cared so much, and in the end, what did he get? A petty argument that costed him everything.