Lies and Empty Promises

because

A/N: words: 1771. I THOUGHT I'D BE ABLE TO KEEP UP WITH NORMAL UPDATES NOOOO i will try my best. anyway, enjoy!

"So, James, how have your nightmares been?" Bucky grimaced. He didn't want to tell her the truth, mostly because he didn't need to. He didn't think he needed to. Raynor, obviously, thought differently. "I haven't had any." the lie fell smoothly from his lips, just like the last time she asked him that question, and the time before that, and the time before that. She shut her notebook, the sound of the paper hitting softly. Her pen was resting on the arm of the chair now, and her eyes stuck on Bucky. "Then what's bothering you?"

That was a loaded question. Mostly because some many things were bothering Bucky. Sam. The shield. Making amends. Nightmares. The fact that it's his birthday, and he's already received a text from Sam, yet he's such a horrible person he can't even think to reply. He's such a coward that he can't respond to someone who means well. Who matters. Well, who mattered.

"Let me see your phone." nope. No. Definitely not. Bucky looked away from the woman in front of him, keeping his phone hidden in his jacket. Raynor wasn't stupid, fortunately or unfortunately for Bucky, so, she saw the way his hand slid to his jacket pocket, seemingly fidgeting with something. "What are you hiding, James?"

"Nothing, alright." Bucky snapped, and shocked himself a bit. Raynor looked unfazed by the sudden outbursts. "Is this about Sam, because let me tell you James, this issue with Sam is a bit mind-boggling to me. You were, together, partners, if you will-"

Partners? Where the hell did Raynor get that idea? He never even told her. "We weren't partners." he corrected her in a sharp tone, jaw clenched. She put her hands up in defence, a small, knowing smirk on her face. She wasn't having any of that. "Fine, but is this about Sam? I don't care what the relationship was, just tell me."

"Huh, that's probably the first time you haven't over stepped, look at you go." Bucky muttered under his breath, and he knew she could hear him. By the way she raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes, he knew she could hear him. "I guess it is." he said flatly, still not meeting her eye. The notebook opened with a small click, and the pen started scratching on the paper immediately.

"How?"

"Because." Because I hurt him. Because he still cares. Or is pretending to care. Because I still want to care. Because I'm a coward. Because I was blind. Because there's a million things I want to say to him, but I can't muster the strength to say one word. Because I'm in pain. And so is he. And we're two broken parts of the same heart, that might never heal. Because why would it? Because, because, because

I was wrong.

"James." Raynors voice snapped him from his thoughts, and he turned to face her. "Hello." he said in a bitter tone, with a hint of mockery. "You were saying?" Raynor said, her eyes going from her paper to Bucky. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "Because... I- I, I'm confused." his voice was suddenly small, weak. And that's how he meant it to be. He stumbled over his words, feeling the words toss in his brain. "How can you make that better for yourself, James?" Raynor asked in her mandatory therapist voice that sounded so fake it almost made Bucky laugh. "Isn't that what you're here for, Doc? I mean, I clearly can't solve my own problems, that's why I'm here. So tell me, what should I do, Christina?" Raynor kept her posture calm, but she looked a bit taken aback.

"I think you should reach out to him, don't you?" her tone matched Bucky's, just with a bit more therapist. When Bucky stayed silent, she smacked her lips together, a tight smile on her face. "Why aren't you reaching out?" Raynor said, a pause in between her words. Bucky sighed, fidgeting with his hands. "Why aren't you-"