this is the start | gilinsky

Chapter Forty-One

We've been sitting in silence since he showed up ten minutes ago. Why isn't he saying anything? He did come here to work things out with me, right? At least that's what Sammy told me. What if he was lying? What if he forced Gilinsky to come here? How embarrassing would that be? I bet Jack doesn't even want anything to do with me anymore. 

"This isn't going to work if you don't say anything to each other." Johnson snaps, throwing the door to my room back open. Was he snooping? 

"Well what am I supposed to say?" I growl. "I didn't even want him to come here." It's harsh, I know, but it's the truth. Sure, I did open up the idea a little bit, but I still wasn't really to keen on seeing Jack face to face after seeing him sucking face with his supposedly ex girlfriend. 

"There's nothing I can say besides I'm sorry." Gilinsky is scowling. I can't blame him, I'm in a sour mood too because of this. But it's not like it's my fault. 

"Then why don't you start with that," Johnson tells him, wrinkles lining his forehead. He's angry with his friend. Before Gilinsky can decline, Johnson slams the door shut, leaving us alone again. 

Jack turns to me, his jaw clenched. "I'm sorry." 

I shrug. "So am I." 

"Why are you sorry?" He scoffs. 

"For not being good enough," I say matter-of-factly. Apparently I wasn't everything Jack wanted if he went back to Leigh. 

"Don't say that." 

"Say what?" I laugh, even though I feel like crying. "The truth?" 

"That's not the truth!" Jack argues, glaring at me. 

"Then why the hell did you feel the need to cheat on me?" 

"We've had this conversation before." 

"When?" I ask, angrily. 

"When I got drunk after Leigh dumped me for like the one hundredth time that week." 

"You remember that?" 

"I'm pretty sure I proved that to you when I kissed you the next morning." He remembered that too? I'm surprised he even remembered anything about our relationship. He didn't seem to remember it when he had his hands up Leigh's shirt. 

"I need more of an explanation than that," I say, rolling my eyes. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You told me you loved Leigh, that you thought she loved you back," I remind him. "But that was then and this is now, it doesn't answer the question of why you cheated on me." 

Jack closes his eyes and sighs. He stays silent for a couple seconds before speaking again. "Things are complicated with us." 

"Oh so I've heard," I say through clenched teeth. I've heard that story from Johnson and Sammy on multiple occasions. 

"Leigh was my first love." 

"No shit." 

"It's kind of hard to forget the first girl you fell in love with."

"Is it hard to forget the second girl you fell in love with?" I spit. 

Jack's eyes go wide. "I never once said that I was in love with you."

My stomach feels like someone just kicked me. Am I about to pass out? I place my hand over my chest, gripping my t-shirt. I never once said that I was in love with you. Goddamn! I'm so stupid! Not once have Jack and I exchanged the words I love you to each other. How could I even think that a guy like Jack would love me. I was probably just a good challenge for him. Something he liked, but not that serious. Did I love Jack? Hell no, not after what I've just been through with him. But did I before? I can't remember what I felt before. Happier? I guess.