this is the start | gilinsky

Chapter Forty-Three

"Are you ready to go?" Mom's voice surprises me. I slide out of Dad's embrace and turn around to see her standing at the edge of the driveway. Dad squeezes my shoulder one last time and pushes me forward.

Looking down at Violet, I hug her tight. I stand up to pet her then take one last glance at Dad. He smiles. I smile back, willing myself not to cry. "See you soon?" He nods. This seriously sucks. I wish I wasn't leaving. I wish all this shit with Jack didn't happen. I mean, I know I don't really have to leave but it's too late to turn back now. And even if I did stay it wouldn't be the same. 

Mom grabs my arm as soon as I get close enough to her and kisses my cheek. "I missed you, baby," She says. "I'm glad you asked me to come get you." Then she grabs my bags and throws them in the trunk.

"Yeah." I sigh. "I missed you too." She releases my arm and let's me get into the passenger side of her car. Putting my seat belt on, Mom gets in the driver's side and puts the key in the ignition. I wave goodbye to Dad as she makes a u-turn and as we drive down the street to go home my heart stops. 

Gilinsky is standing in his driveway next to Johnson, Sam, and Mal. I clench my jaw, unable to look away. He gives me a sad smile and I have to remind myself to breathe. There's no time for me to even try to smile back, because Mom is driving too fast. I turn around in my seat and stare at him until he turns into a little black spec. We hadn't even said goodbye. That hurt.

"Who were those kids?" Mom asks, making a sharp right. I bite my tongue. What do I even say? I could sit here and tell her how they're my friends and how much I'm going to miss them, and tell her all about Jack. How he broke my heart and I thought I was done with him, but after seeing him I'm totally second guessing myself. Or I could lie. Lying seems easier. 

"No one." 

I can tell Mom knows I'm not telling her the truth, but she doesn't push anything. Dad would've pushed. I pick at my nail polish and lean back in my seat. Sure, Dad wasn't one to intrude on my business and ask a lot of questions, but when I was upset he was there for me. I guess Mom was there for me too, but it's different with her. 

As I watch all the trees fly by I can't help but wonder what life would be like if they hadn't gotten a divorce. Would I be happier? I don't even understand why they got a divorce in the first place. Dad is awesome. Mom is pretty cool sometimes. I never heard them fight much. Tossing and turning around in my seat, trying to get comfortable, all I can think about are the 'what if's' in my life. 

"Sweetie," Mom says. "Stop moving around so much, you're distracting me." 

"Sorry," I mumble, leaning my head against the glass window. I pull my phone out of my pocket and grab some headphones that are sitting on the dashboard. Mom says something about those being hers but I don't listen, I shove them in my ears and put on a random song. 

Closing my eyes, I listen to the lyrics - or at least try to listen to them. Every word is reminding me of Jack. I see his smile, I see his laugh. I hear his laugh. I feel his fingers on my skin and I feel his lips on mine. We've been driving for only ten minutes when I realize I've made a huge mistake. I take a deep breath but I can't stop thinking about him. 

When I first got to Omaha I was such a basket-case. Gilinsky, Johnson, Sam, Mallory, and Dad helped me get out of that. They helped me break out of my shell. I was a giant ball of anxiety, and sure I still sort of am, but I was able to loosen up a bit while I was here. I can't believe I'm just going to leave this all behind. I wish I could go back in time to the first day I walked into Dad's house. I felt so at home.

Yeah, things didn't really work out how I wanted them to but I still had a good time. Mallory and Sam were right, just because things were awkward with Gilinsky didn't mean I had to leave them. I wish I'd thought of all this before I texted Mom. I just acted on impulse. Even though I don't get why Jack would go crawling back to Leigh while we were dating, I do understand how he felt. She was his first love and he was still trying to get over her when I came here. Hell, he wasn't even close to getting over her when we met. 

I wonder that if we met at a different time, or if we took things slower, if things would've worked out. Because right now, sitting here in Mom's car, driving back home to New York (where I had no friends, no dreams or aspirations), I'm realizing that Jack did like me, it was just that he was used to Leigh. He liked liking Leigh. He missed her. When you miss people you finally understand the impact that they actually had on your life. And whether they were the same person that they were when you first met them or not, you still wanted to be by their side again.

That's how I'm feeling about Jack right now, as I pause my music and try to calm down. I miss him. And it hurts.

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I feel like this chapter is so unorganized lol I was all over the place! I'll see if I can go back and try to edit it up a little bit but for right now it's gonna stay like this. Chapter Forty-Four will be up soon! I think the last chapter is going to be around Chapter Fifty or something i don't really know haha. But yeah you know the deal, comments are always open for you guys! Don't forget to vote if you'd like. Much love, gilinskyshigh