Private Detective Wang [ZhanYi FF] with MPREG special / Complete

Chapter 19 - My brother understands me

We talked and laughed in the living room until 4 am before the three of us were just tired and went to bed. I snuggled up to Zhan in bed, closed my eyes and fell asleep immediately. And when I woke up again, around noon, Zhan was gone. There was a note on the nightstand saying that he had gone to the public library to do some more research.

At first I wanted to roll over and sleep a little longer. But then I heard something in the kitchen and got up after all. My brother was already up and had just made himself a cup of coffee. I greeted him and asked, "Are you hungry? Should we go to a coffee shop or something?"

"No, it's fine. Your Zhan made me breakfast earlier. It was very delicious." Replied my brother.

"Ah, I see."

"He's really very caring isn't he?"

"Mhm. He is."

"And you love him very much. But you haven't told him yet."

"That's right. And yes, so far I haven't told him."

"Why not?"

"Well, where do I start? I'm a vampire. It's not all that easy."

"Mhhh. Why don't you explain it to me? Maybe then I can understand you better. Because I can see how much you love Zhan and want to be with him. But I don't understand what's stopping you and what's going through your mind."

"When I was human, I didn't think about a lot of things. I didn't have to. And love? Love was like a closed book to me. So far, I've only seen the damage love can do. How love hurts others and is abused. I was never interested in love. When I registered in the gay portal, I was not looking for someone to fall in love with, but just for sex. I just wanted to have my first time sex, that's all."

"Mhhh. Can I ask you a quick question before you continue?"

"Sure."

"What happened with you and Seungyoun? You two always seem to be more than best friends. Moreover, you did many things that best friends don't do."

"Many things?"

"Well, you guys cuddled a lot and often. You held hands. You kissed each other."

"Wait...kissed? He only kissed me once. And that was in Japan."

"Um, never mind for now. Anyway, I thought you guys were a couple." When my brother said that, I felt like he wanted to tell much more than that. Strange.

"We were never a couple."

"Okay. Then keep talking."

"From the moment I became a vampire, though, quite a few things went through my mind. Most of all, how nice it was to be human. It felt like I died inside. I no longer felt my heart racing when I was excited. I felt nothing when I was outside lightly dressed in severe cold. I could no longer eat normal food. The smell of it was so bad for me that I threw up. I tried to take my own life and couldn't die."

"You tried to take your own life?"

"Yes. I was really at a low point when I realized what I was and that I could never be who I was again. Never do my beloved job again. Never again feel warmth or cold. Never again feel my heart racing excitedly. No more walking among many people. Although I was now given an indefinitely long life, I felt limited to the least. Everything that meant something to me was taken away. It took me a while to slowly accept who I am now and find a way to deal with it. But, still, I never wanted and still don't want this indefinitely long life."

"Why not? Don't most people dream of immortality and never aging?"

"That may be. But I never did. I survived. But I didn't live. And then I met Zhan. Somehow that night was so crazy I can hardly believe it myself. I felt really sick because of all the smells from the food in the restaurant. And Zhan just helped me by letting me drink from his blood. I felt his blood running down my throat hot and filling my stomach with warmth. I could feel my heart beating faster and I even felt really warm."